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Message
re: Friend of mine is burying his son tomorrow - need advice
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:00 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:00 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
First of all, if you are worried about being "alpha" at a friend's child's funeral, you have issues. I don't have children, but I would thing this will be the worst thing you friend will ever have to deal with and it is something that will change him forever. It is okay to cry. The only thing you should worry about is whether or not there is anything you can do for the family at this time because they are dealing with so much, anything that someone else can do for them would be appreciated by them.
Hug your friend and tell him that you are there if he and his family needs anything.
Hug your friend and tell him that you are there if he and his family needs anything.
0
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:02 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
went through this 6 years ago.
Don;t say "you understand" you don't
Just be there- your presence is important
If it is a close friend - tell him you will always be there --
Don't tell him it will get better- it won't
Don't tell him he will get over it - He won't
Instead tell him He will learn to manage,
Encourage him after the funeral to get professional counseling he and wife both- many divorces occur after the loss of a child
My friend and I still talk about his son. It still is not easy for him and even harder on his wife. They have survived but the hurt is still there. They have learned to live, to manage life. It will never be same
Don;t say "you understand" you don't
Just be there- your presence is important
If it is a close friend - tell him you will always be there --
Don't tell him it will get better- it won't
Don't tell him he will get over it - He won't
Instead tell him He will learn to manage,
Encourage him after the funeral to get professional counseling he and wife both- many divorces occur after the loss of a child
My friend and I still talk about his son. It still is not easy for him and even harder on his wife. They have survived but the hurt is still there. They have learned to live, to manage life. It will never be same
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:08 pm to 756
quote:
Don't tell him it will get better- it won't
Don't tell him he will get over it - He won't
Instead tell him He will learn to manage,
Encourage him after the funeral to get professional counseling he and wife both- many divorces occur after the loss of a child
And you definitely, under no fricking circumstances, don’t say “this was all part of God’s plan, and he’s now in better place.” I remember tons of old women telling me this at my friend’s funeral, and I struggled to hold my tongue. If it was in God’s plan for my friend to run over by a drunk driver arc 4:00 in the afternoon on a Friday, then that’s not a God worth worshipping. One the angriest I’ve ever been, but I didn’t want to ruin things for his parents and sister. If something similar happened to my immediate family and someone said this to me, I would immediately ask them to leave.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:14 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
God damn man, I had a close friend bury her son. It’s the most horrible experience you can think of. You be caring for your friend and lend a shoulder.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:14 pm to OMLandshark
quote:
If something similar happened to my immediate family and someone said this to me, I would immediately ask them to leave.
Then you would be an a-hole if you asked someone who is trying to convey their condolences in whatever way they think is ok to leave.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:27 pm to Martini
quote:
Then you would be an a-hole if you asked someone who is trying to convey their condolences in whatever way they think is ok to leave.
Wrong.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:30 pm to 756
quote:
Don;t say "you understand" you don't
Just be there- your presence is important
If it is a close friend - tell him you will always be there --
Don't tell him it will get better- it won't
Don't tell him he will get over it - He won't
Correct
quote:
Instead tell him He will learn to manage,
Wrong
The correct answer is don't say shite. Just be there.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:31 pm to OMLandshark
quote:
It’s the fricking same,
So losing a 30 year old adult son that’s been battling brain cancer and the family has been prepared that death is imminent is same as losing a 10 year old son in a car accident or a 2 year old daughter that accidentally fell in the pool and drowned?
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:32 pm to deeprig9
quote:
Wrong
So an “old lady” expresses her condolences in maybe the only way she can and it’s ok to tell her to leave?
Ok funeral tough guy. I hope no granny’s show up at yours for their sake.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:32 pm to 756
quote:
Don;t say "you understand" you don't
Just be there- your presence is important
If it is a close friend - tell him you will always be there --
Don't tell him it will get better- it won't
Don't tell him he will get over it - He won't
Instead tell him He will learn to manage,
Encourage him after the funeral to get professional counseling he and wife both- many divorces occur after the loss of a child
All of this
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:34 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
quote:
Son was early 30’s. Brain cancer.
Good friends of ours lost their 16 yr old daughter to brain cancer a few years ago. She was diagnosed and dead in 5-6 months. What can you say really? Just hug them and try to be there if they need you.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:35 pm to Martini
quote:
Then you would be an a-hole if you asked someone who is trying to convey their condolences in whatever way they think is ok to leave.
I don’t agree with you often but I have to say that I agree with you.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:36 pm to tgrbaitn08
But is Martini a chick or a dude?
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:36 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
Dude, your friend us burying his kid. That’s one of the single worst things a person can experience. It’s probably okay if you cry.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:41 pm to Paul Allen
quote:
But is Martini a chick or a dude?
I wish one of you alters would bury the other. It’s gods will and you will be in a better place.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:42 pm to tgrbaitn08
Has to be a chick
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:44 pm to olgoi khorkhoi
Just be yourself. The family will appreciate you being there for them.
Posted on 3/13/18 at 10:44 pm to tgrbaitn08
Probably...I could see her driving a Subaru Forester with a Clinton/Kane sticker on the back window.
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