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re: Just got served divorce papers today
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:01 am to MasCervezas
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:01 am to MasCervezas
quote:
it wasn't on me or my siblings. I know lots of others who were relatively unaffected.
I know that it varies though
It was the right thing for my SO's parents. I don't discount it can be for the best.
But a lot of times you'll hear about how it is much better to be separated than to live in an environment of conflict and fighting, as if there are no other alternatives.
0
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:01 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
Link?
Nope.
quote:
Got a link to these stats?
No. You're free to not believe it.
quote:
Hyperbole kinda removes the honesty.
Not really.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:02 am to Tiger Ryno
quote:
I wish judges would make stiffer penalties for people filing for divorce where there is no clear infidelity or physical abuse. She should be the one paying him.
Holy shite man. So you're cool with a man just yelling at his wife all the time and being a condescending dick, as long as he doesn't hit her? Screw that.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:02 am to MasCervezas
quote:
it wasn't on me or my siblings. I know lots of others who were relatively unaffected.
I know that it varies though
Biggest factor = age of the kid. Older kids usually have a solid idea of what is going on and can understand why the divorce is happening.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:03 am to TheOcean
quote:
Probably a product of getting married too young + social media
Culture of selfishness. I'm not one of these "the world is falling apart" people, but certainly the concept of sacrificing a generation or two for the future is relatively unheard of now ("I'll dig ditches so my kids don't have to").
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:03 am to ULSU
These threads are great for reminding me just what type of people post on this board.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:04 am to AUjim
quote:
These threads are great for reminding me just what type of people post on this board.
It's a fair cross section of the country.
But yes, I know what you're saying.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:05 am to Pettifogger
You're view is a tad moral high ground warriorish...perhaps it's not as cut and dry as you think.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:05 am to AUjim
quote:
These threads are great for reminding me just what type of people post on this board.
Please, grace us with your wisdom and boundless morality.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:07 am to Mo Jeaux
AUJim already dropped the GOAT knowledge on the OP. He needs to man up and do whatever it takes to make the marriage work 
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:08 am to TheOcean
quote:
Biggest factor = age of the kid. Older kids usually have a solid idea of what is going on and can understand why the divorce is happening.
generally probably. In my case I was around 5. I was so young I don't really remember them together at all, so in a way it was like they were never married to me.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:12 am to The Sad Banana
quote:
You're view is a tad moral high ground warriorish...perhaps it's not as cut and dry as you think.
It is the moral high ground. But I'm not sure what view you're talking about.
The only thing I'm really adamant about is being honest with yourself. I don't understand people who can wake up with their life in shambles and not be able to trace where it came from. I understand being surprised, but way too many people will just sit there and say "I don't know how this happened," and they really don't know. That is bizarre to me. We can all be lulled into sluggishness or ritual and lose track. But how you can continue obliviousness after crisis sets in, I can't fathom.
Personally, while I don't do the above, my challenge is in implementing what needs to change. I definitely struggle in that regard.
Note that the above isn't in reference to the OP, just in reference to some of the subjects we've been discussing.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:12 am to MykTide
quote:
As others have said, if you don't look at her as your biggest enemy at this point, you are a fool. She will get everything she can from you without any regard to your well being
My advice is to be as big a "fool" in the eyes of the world as you can possibly be. Don't try to win, don't try to hurt her financially or otherwise, never say a word against her to anyone (unless what she's doing endangers your kids). The only thing you should do for yourself is whatever will ensure that you retain as much custody as possible.
I for one believe it can work out in the end no matter what. If she is cheating on you, that's terrible but forgivable. Not to the OT, but you are not the OT. You've been married 23 years, you're not obsessed with sex, and you know something is wrong if your wife was driven to that.
People telling you to treat her like an enemy, get what you can, etc are telling you what they think is right for them. But they are not you.
You will regret anything done out of anger or spite.
You won't regret any self-sacrificial acts.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:13 am to CadesCove
quote:
Great time to serve papers. People are generally home.
wasn't the point of my post. wasn't the serving, it was the amount of response to his thread this early.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:15 am to CptBengal
quote:No Bengal, you are wrong, that is exactly what he should do. Tell her whatever she wants to hear. it worked for me and can work for him. That is what's best for everyone. It might not be ideal, but it is practical and effective.
As much as it sucks for him personally, he needs to change his attitude, everything needs to be yes, of course, whatever you say, until she comes to her senses and realizes she's messing her kids up for life doing this, and returns to normal.
This is literally the worst thing I have ever read in terms of advice.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:16 am to arcalades
at least save your marriage till a few more kids reach 18.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:16 am to arcalades
quote:
No Bengal, you are wrong, that is exactly what he should do. Tell her whatever she wants to hear. it worked for me and can work for him. That is what's best for everyone. It might not be ideal, but it is practical and effective.
One of the things that will always be controversial on this site is the "being a beta vs. saving something you care about" trade off. He'll be told that she won't respect him and it'll just get worse. That's possible, but a decades-old marriage and trying to woo your 22 year old girlfriend aren't the same, I'm guessing.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:16 am to Mid Iowa Tiger
quote:
Been in counseling for 18 months. Every time the focus get too hot on her she decides to either change or has "scheduling" issues.
This does not bode well. Unless and until she is willing to accept responsibility for her part of the issues, no progress can be made. It pretty much always takes two to tango in these situations unless it is just overt abuse from one spouse to another. I feel you man. I can't imagine what it would be like to have been married that long, have that many kids that young and have this thrust upon you. Just make sure both of you don't use the kids as emotional pawns in any of this. They would grow up really resenting that. Be mature about it for their sake. Hope things work out.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:17 am to The Sad Banana
quote:Why do we have so many quitter minded people on this forum/in this world? He loves his wife. He should not give up. He loves his kids. Stop being a bunch of quitters. Just bc you people are miserable in your marriages doesn't mean you/he has to be. He can fix the problems and be happy.
I'll just say this...if you were on the outs and you were realizing you both weren't happy, in the long run it's a blessing.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:18 am to arcalades
Is it confirmed she was cheating?
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