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re: Rogan & Dan B on marriage: Don't do it.
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:09 pm to prplhze2000
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:09 pm to prplhze2000
Why would anyone take marriage advice from a red-faced meathead and the Just For Men beard guy?
0
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:10 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
I’m not using the term “ Alpha “ in the stupid modern manner
Yes you are.
What’s the alternative? Polyamory with multiple kids from different women?
Bringing nature into your comment suggests a biological imperative to propagate the species. There’s plenty of evidence of “alphas” with lots of money - say from a professional sport - not limiting themselves to one monogamous relationship. How’s that turning out for them? The women? The kids?
Genuinely asking. Is there any evidence that an alpha male who is free to roam leads to a better society? Or should we stick to the Western idea of marriage that has been part of our history?
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:13 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
I haven’t listened yet , but for reasons I could write a book about , it is an overwhelmingly feminine Institution meant to benefit a woman’s nature at the expense of a man’s nature. From an equitable standpoint, it’s an absolute loser for an Alpha. If you are a Beta (low earner, not real smart, not real ambitious or charismatic) it’s probably a winner. I’m not using the term “ Alpha “ in the stupid modern manner, but in the “ highly desired as a mate because of your RESOURCES “ manner.
Not really. If maximizing your resources is one of your goals in life, marriage provides HUGE advantages.
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:16 pm to StringedInstruments
evolutively speaking, its just chemicals in your brain, right?
romantic partnerships with women, always led to a decrease in my vitality, energy, focus, and resources after the honeymoon period is over
when dating/single, i eat better, sleep better, have more money, less stress, etc
romantic partnerships with women, always led to a decrease in my vitality, energy, focus, and resources after the honeymoon period is over
when dating/single, i eat better, sleep better, have more money, less stress, etc
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:22 pm to StringedInstruments
Well there is zero doubt that marriage benefits virtually every culture in which it exists. I don’t think that’s an arguable point and it’s certainly not mine. But our American version is hopelessly feminized. It begins in most woman’s eyes with an over- the-top celebration of her and then generally progresses to fulfilling her needs for security and status. And every single cultural cue reinforces the status quo.
And what we get are deeply unhappy men who feel like they have spent an entire life laboring on her behalf. Particularly if she’s not an attentive and stimulating wife ( as most aren’t). I’m 52. As I talk to my very successful peer group from college , guys that are lifelong friends, I hear the exact same analysis of their marriages. The same language even, the same words and terms. Men want bigger lives, women want smaller lives. Men’s nature is to explore the world, women’s is to control their world. At some point , when the kids are grown, this difference in nature becomes important.
And what we get are deeply unhappy men who feel like they have spent an entire life laboring on her behalf. Particularly if she’s not an attentive and stimulating wife ( as most aren’t). I’m 52. As I talk to my very successful peer group from college , guys that are lifelong friends, I hear the exact same analysis of their marriages. The same language even, the same words and terms. Men want bigger lives, women want smaller lives. Men’s nature is to explore the world, women’s is to control their world. At some point , when the kids are grown, this difference in nature becomes important.
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:28 pm to prplhze2000
I used to always say I'd never get married. Meant it too. It was never a goal or something I felt that I needed to do. (Just based on statistics and seeing other people who seemed stuck in unhappy marriages)
Eventually I did meet someone and we did get married. All in all, it's been good and I'm confident we won't be getting divorced.
That said, I still wouldn't advise anyone to get married. I got lucky and found a great match. You might not be so lucky. And I think your chances of success are reduced when it's a 'goal' you are trying to achieve. You'll look past things. You'll settle for less than ideal. You'll think you can change someone. And eventually that might come to bite you in the arse.
If it falls in your lap and it's right, go for it. But don't go out looking for it. If you approach it like you're trying to fill a job vacancy, you're lowering your guard and setting yourself up for long term failure.
Eventually I did meet someone and we did get married. All in all, it's been good and I'm confident we won't be getting divorced.
That said, I still wouldn't advise anyone to get married. I got lucky and found a great match. You might not be so lucky. And I think your chances of success are reduced when it's a 'goal' you are trying to achieve. You'll look past things. You'll settle for less than ideal. You'll think you can change someone. And eventually that might come to bite you in the arse.
If it falls in your lap and it's right, go for it. But don't go out looking for it. If you approach it like you're trying to fill a job vacancy, you're lowering your guard and setting yourself up for long term failure.
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:29 pm to JohnnyKilroy
quote:
Marry a girl who is actually intelligent and makes good money. Problem solved.
Yeah, this isn't exactly a silver bullet either. While that might keep her from completely wrecking you financially in divorce, she can still screw you over in a myriad of ways.
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:35 pm to Smeg
Furthermore, the sheer number of women that have psychological and emotional issues is STAGGERING. And understanding Your psychology is critical. My Dad has two torturous marriages because he had a need to “ save “ women. He married WAY down and he paid the price. My buddy did the opposite, he married twice way above his weight class ( much smarter and more ambitious women ) and he also paid the price.
I’m 25 years in and feel like Mrs Pimp and I have lived three or four marriages already. We have been a different couple at different times but are fundamentally compatible . So you better be adaptive, is my point.
I’m 25 years in and feel like Mrs Pimp and I have lived three or four marriages already. We have been a different couple at different times but are fundamentally compatible . So you better be adaptive, is my point.
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:35 pm to Smeg
quote:
And I think your chances of success are reduced when it's a 'goal' you are trying to achieve. You'll look past things. You'll settle for less than ideal. You'll think you can change someone. And eventually that might come to bite you in the arse.
If it falls in your lap and it's right, go for it. But don't go out looking for it. If you approach it like you're trying to fill a job vacancy, you're lowering your guard and setting yourself up for long term failure.
This is true.
quote:
I got lucky and found a great match. You might not be so lucky.
I disagree with this. It's not unlucky to settle for a partner that doesn't tick all the necessary boxes. It's settling. The trick is to know yourself. Know what you value most and seize the opportunity when it presents itself. I think that goes beyond getting "lucky"
The necessary boxes is up to each individual, but if your top priorities are looks and a good lay then you're probably going to have a bad time. Probably.
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:38 pm to prplhze2000
Marry someone who you view as an equal and this isn’t a problem.. of course there will be those that fail but viewing life through the lense of failure is no way to experience it
This post was edited on 1/21/19 at 11:39 pm
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:38 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
Lsupimp
Your posts indicate you're really going through some shite lately. Hope it works out for you, man
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:40 pm to kingbob
And there it is Bob. At some point in marriage, every man looks over at his wife and thinks, “ she can randomly destroy me any time she wants”. If the relationship is bad, that can cause fear. Lots of Men are scared shitless by their wives because let’s face it, women are more emotional and less rational. And they can flip your script on a dime and then it’s you living with a dog in a crappy apartment while she enjoys the home and life and kids etc.
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:45 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
let’s face it, women are more emotional and less rational.
Let’s face it, it’s time for you to go to bed
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:45 pm to Lsupimp
Good point
The divorce laws really need to change.
That fear is very real. A woman can wreck your life by just getting bored one day
The divorce laws really need to change.
That fear is very real. A woman can wreck your life by just getting bored one day
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:48 pm to kaikaiz4lsu
It’s not me saying that men are more rational, it’s social science and neuroscience. It just is. That doesn’t mean a random woman isn’t more rational than me, but it’s still a fact.
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:51 pm to Lsupimp
We didn't get married until our mid-30s.
I think that was a huge benefit. I matured a lot after my mid-20s. Looking back, I was childish and it's embarrassing to think how I handled some arguments with girlfriends. Things that ruined relationships.
But all those experiences did something more important. They helped me grow and become a better person. I was able to reflect and learn, figure myself out. Those things only come with time and experience.
When you're young, you're dumb and arrogant. Getting married young, before you're fully mature, has to be a huge hurdle for a marriage to be successful.
I think that was a huge benefit. I matured a lot after my mid-20s. Looking back, I was childish and it's embarrassing to think how I handled some arguments with girlfriends. Things that ruined relationships.
But all those experiences did something more important. They helped me grow and become a better person. I was able to reflect and learn, figure myself out. Those things only come with time and experience.
When you're young, you're dumb and arrogant. Getting married young, before you're fully mature, has to be a huge hurdle for a marriage to be successful.
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:52 pm to Mr Perfect
quote:
That fear is very real. A woman can wreck your life by just getting bored one day
A dude who thinks like this is 100% a gigantic pussy who is basically just waiting to get served with papers.
Posted on 1/21/19 at 11:52 pm to Lsupimp
I understand what you're saying and I feel for some of the guys you mentioned who have had marital issues, however, none of the things you've described are even remotely similar to anything I've experienced in the 20+ years my wife and I have been together. But I can't really use our thing to comment because our thing has some qualities to it that can't be transferred over to most people.
Posted on 1/22/19 at 12:04 am to JohnnyKilroy
I don’t see why a guy stating a fact makes him a pussy.
A woman might become depressed. A woman might develop some kind of irrational fear. She might refuse sex or work or anything. Maybe an addiction or a personality disorder or an affair or she decides she wants to be a lesbian or political differences. Any time TWO people are in any agreement both are at the other’s mercy. So of course one spouse can arbitrarily ruin the marriage. And in that case EVERYTHING favors the wife.
C’mon look around. You don’t have buddies who have nightmare wives ? I have friends and I wonder how they haven’t put their heads in the oven.
A woman might become depressed. A woman might develop some kind of irrational fear. She might refuse sex or work or anything. Maybe an addiction or a personality disorder or an affair or she decides she wants to be a lesbian or political differences. Any time TWO people are in any agreement both are at the other’s mercy. So of course one spouse can arbitrarily ruin the marriage. And in that case EVERYTHING favors the wife.
C’mon look around. You don’t have buddies who have nightmare wives ? I have friends and I wonder how they haven’t put their heads in the oven.
Posted on 1/22/19 at 12:06 am to JohnnyKilroy
quote:
It's not unlucky to settle for a partner that doesn't tick all the necessary boxes. It's settling. The trick is to know yourself.
I just meant that I felt lucky finding someone that ticked all the necessary boxes. Until that point, it seemed that girls were 'close' but some form of settling was always involved. For me, finding someone that really clicked was like a needle in a haystack.
That doesn't mean there isn't ever any conflict / disagreement. Just nothing that we can't work out or will sink the marriage.
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