Domain: tiger-web1.srvr.media3.us Shared Custody | Page 4 | O-T Lounge
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re: Shared Custody

Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:11 pm to
Posted by Festus
With Skillet
Member since Nov 2009
86073 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:11 pm to
quote:

Normalizing the culture of divorce is a net negative on our society.

Your children suffer because you and your wife we're selfish and trashy. There are very few situations where I could understand a divorce happening.

Falling out of love (bullshite), infidelity (horrible people), and other typical excuses are bullshite that show major character flaws in all involved.

Once you step down from your high horse, think about this. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work. I hated divorce and fought it with everything inside of me. I begged for counseling. She didn't want it. I put my life on hold for 5 years, convinced she would wake up and realize it was a mid life crisis.

Well, it never happened. What was I supposed to do when she filed the papers and I was served? Refuse to sign? She would have still gotten the divorce, I would have just made it harder.

Bottom line, if someone doesn't want to be married, and refuses to change her mind, there isn't much the other person can do. I didn't want to be married to someone that didn't want me. I let me children know how I felt, that I tried, but I had no choice but to go on with my life. They all understood.

Was I trashy?

It's easy to sit where you are and pontificate. But you better hope your wife doesn't wake up one morning and decide to leave you. Would love to hear you declare yourself as trash.
Posted by Grit-Eating Shin
You're an Idiot
Member since May 2013
8575 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:12 pm to
quote:

You're so oblivious to life.

Clearly.

But you're spinning your wheels with this loser. He's obviously got some serious, pent-up dissatisfaction with how things worked out for him. Nothing you or I can do to turn that tide.
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32998 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:12 pm to
Doing my part. Normalizing your type of behavior is not ok.
Posted by Grit-Eating Shin
You're an Idiot
Member since May 2013
8575 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:13 pm to
quote:

Normalizing your type of behavior is not ok.

Tell me all about "my type" of behavior, Dr. Phil. I'll sit back and listen...
Posted by Festus
With Skillet
Member since Nov 2009
86073 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:15 pm to
quote:

Doing my part. Normalizing your type of behavior is not ok.


I agree, it should never be normal and appreciate your stating so. But you have continued to demonize both parties. What about the one that doesn't want the divorce, and fights it? They cannot legally stop the divorce. It's impossible. Why would you demonize them and call them abnormal?
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32998 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:16 pm to
quote:

Was I trashy?

Probably. People don't just wake up one day and decide to divorce. Those types of issues either come from long untreated issues or unfulfillment on one party, or quick things like infidelity.
This post was edited on 1/4/19 at 12:18 pm
Posted by CelticDog
Member since Apr 2015
42867 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:16 pm to
I did wife 65, me 35 for 10 years. 2 or 3 day night.

You will see ex a lot.
Temptation.

I ended up with 100% custody junior and senior years.

Posted by danilo
Member since Nov 2008
25057 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:17 pm to
Trashy
Posted by ThatsAFactJack
East Coast
Member since Sep 2012
1601 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:18 pm to
Ex and I do 2-2-3 as well and it has worked great. Daughter was 6 when it started and is now 8. No issues at school w/behavior and education. No issues with after school activities. It does help that ex and I communicate well in regards to our daughters social/school/activities etc.

Posted by here4thepopcorn
Houston
Member since Aug 2018
209 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:19 pm to
No sh!t man. That's the point we are trying to make. How do you expect to keep a relationship alive when the other isn't working on it?

Serious question. What were we supposed to do? Stay in a relationship because it was the 'right' thing to do?

I honestly would love to hear your feedback on what I should have done right.
Posted by Dawgholio
Bugtussle
Member since Oct 2015
13047 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:19 pm to
I’ve seen everything from 4/3 weekly spilts to one week on and off. It really depends on how close you’ll live after the divorce and if she’s not a bitch about it.
Posted by Festus
With Skillet
Member since Nov 2009
86073 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:20 pm to
quote:

Probably. People don't just wake up one day and decide to divorce.


I didn't wake up and decide to divorce. She did. And who are you to declare what people wake up and do. Do you really believe there is never a time that one party falls out of love, while the other stays in love? What would you do if your wife filed for divorce, and got the divorce, without your consent? Would you become trashy?

Mid life crises are real. Answer my question. If one party fights it vehemently, and tries everything to salvage the marriage, including counseling, are they trashy for it happening? And if so, please explain why.
Posted by here4thepopcorn
Houston
Member since Aug 2018
209 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:21 pm to
quote:

Do you really believe there is never a time that one party falls out of love, while the other stays in love? What would you do if your wife filed for divorce, and got the divorce, without your consent? Would you become trashy?


This is exactly what I want to know what his course of action would be? Would he beg? Would he stay?

I'm sure he is going to say, oh pick a better partner and you wouldn't have that problem.
Posted by Dawgholio
Bugtussle
Member since Oct 2015
13047 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:22 pm to
Divorce single life is fantastic if you’re in your 30s or 40s. Women drop the games and many just want a FWB. So much easier than the BS in your 20s
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32998 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:23 pm to
quote:

How do you expect to keep a relationship alive when the other isn't working on it?

Oh, of course. It is ALWAYS the other person's fault, right? You didn't let yourself go, gain 50lbs, golf or watch football all weekend then bitch about bathing the kids, ignore your wife in the afternoon but demand BJ's every night, scroll your phone all night without taking to her, etc...

It's always "my ex was a crazy bitch, lolol"

Give me a break.
Posted by Festus
With Skillet
Member since Nov 2009
86073 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:25 pm to
quote:

Oh, of course. It is ALWAYS the other person's fault, right?

No. Are you mentally challenged. It's not that it's the other person's fault. It's that one person decides to peace out, and nothing you can say or do will change their mind. Nothing.

When that happens, what is the other person to do. Answer the question being asked specifically. Quit changing the subject.
Posted by here4thepopcorn
Houston
Member since Aug 2018
209 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:26 pm to
I'm actually female.
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32998 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:28 pm to
quote:

Do you really believe there is never a time that one party falls out of love, while the other stays in love?

Sure, but the fault relies on both parties.
quote:

What would you do if your wife filed for divorce, and got the divorce, without your consent? Would you become trashy?
yes.
quote:

If one party fights it vehemently, and tries everything to salvage the marriage, including counseling, are they trashy for it happening?
I would say yes in most cases. They are at least partly responsible for the change in feelings based on how they lived their life on an every day basis. You can't try to coast through your life/marriage and then be shocked when you're slapped by divorce. I will say she is the significantly trashier one in your case though as it sounds like she was adverse to fixing it.

In the case of behavioral change due to a brain tumor or something, you get a pass.
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
53255 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:29 pm to
My parents got divorced when I was a kid and I agree that it was the correct choice for them. They got married because mom got knocked up and that's just what you did in the mid 70s.

In reality, they were miserable together. They were like oil and water but both good people. Some people just aren't compatible and get married for the wrong reasons.
Posted by windshieldman
Member since Nov 2012
12818 posts
Posted on 1/4/19 at 12:30 pm to
99% of the divorced dads I know either got 50/50 or full custody, most obviously being 50/50.
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