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re: Are Many Couples Actually Happy?
Posted on 12/19/21 at 1:59 pm to SteelerBravesDawg
Posted on 12/19/21 at 1:59 pm to SteelerBravesDawg
quote:
Marriage is work
I already have a job that pays me for my work.
I don't need more work at home that doesn't pay.
This post was edited on 12/19/21 at 2:00 pm
1
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:06 pm to Hoyt
I think the litmus test for a married couple is "would you stay married if you won the lottery?".
100 Million each.
Financially secure for life.
Enough money to retire and live any life you wanted anywhere you wanted.
Would you still stay married?
90 percent would say no, and the other 10 percent would be lying.
100 Million each.
Financially secure for life.
Enough money to retire and live any life you wanted anywhere you wanted.
Would you still stay married?
90 percent would say no, and the other 10 percent would be lying.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:06 pm to Hoyt
I don't know about "many" couples. I know my wife and I are, in general, pretty happy.
I don't know about everyone, but I've seen firsthand from one of my closest friends who has had about 5-6 serious GFs over the past decade the wrong way to approach relationships. He sets his sights out for someone who is going to make his life better, someone who will be able to accommodate him. Basically someone as an accessory to his life. And it fails every time.
Conversely, I've had 2 pretty serious long term relationships over the same time frame, one being a 2.5 year relationship where I got dumped that turned out being for the best, and one being my now wife. We've been together for going on 8 years, married for over 4 years.
He has constantly asked me how I end up with the girls/women I end up with in my life. All of them have been attractive, and (for the most part) nice, good people from good families. My friend is someone who should get better looking women than me. He's attractive, not dumb, has a college degree, tall, athletic, responsible, etc.
What he will not accept is that I have never once looked for someone who I thought would be an "acceptable partner". Looking for someone who is going to fit your life is the most sure fire way to end up in a miserable situation. It doesn't work that way. You see someone, you meet them, and I've been able to tell pretty instantly if I was attracted to them as people. Not are they good-looking, not do they have status, not are they wealthy. It's a very simple question of, 'am I attracted to this person and who they are?'. Are they attracted to me?
From there it's communication. My wife and I fight like hell. But we also make up very well. We tell each other how we feel. If she is pissing me off, I tell her. If I made a comment that made her feel stupid, she tells me. And then we try to put ourselves in each other's shoes to see how it would feel to be on the receiving end. And then we make up. And we keep doing that. We keep talking to each other. We keep understanding that we are individuals and not joined at the hip. We trust each other. There are no secrets, not because we demand the other be completely open, but because we are comfortable being completely open because we know that judgement will not follow.
TL;DR -- Find someone you like as a person, communicate, tell the truth, stop searching for someone who can be an accessory to your life
I don't know about everyone, but I've seen firsthand from one of my closest friends who has had about 5-6 serious GFs over the past decade the wrong way to approach relationships. He sets his sights out for someone who is going to make his life better, someone who will be able to accommodate him. Basically someone as an accessory to his life. And it fails every time.
Conversely, I've had 2 pretty serious long term relationships over the same time frame, one being a 2.5 year relationship where I got dumped that turned out being for the best, and one being my now wife. We've been together for going on 8 years, married for over 4 years.
He has constantly asked me how I end up with the girls/women I end up with in my life. All of them have been attractive, and (for the most part) nice, good people from good families. My friend is someone who should get better looking women than me. He's attractive, not dumb, has a college degree, tall, athletic, responsible, etc.
What he will not accept is that I have never once looked for someone who I thought would be an "acceptable partner". Looking for someone who is going to fit your life is the most sure fire way to end up in a miserable situation. It doesn't work that way. You see someone, you meet them, and I've been able to tell pretty instantly if I was attracted to them as people. Not are they good-looking, not do they have status, not are they wealthy. It's a very simple question of, 'am I attracted to this person and who they are?'. Are they attracted to me?
From there it's communication. My wife and I fight like hell. But we also make up very well. We tell each other how we feel. If she is pissing me off, I tell her. If I made a comment that made her feel stupid, she tells me. And then we try to put ourselves in each other's shoes to see how it would feel to be on the receiving end. And then we make up. And we keep doing that. We keep talking to each other. We keep understanding that we are individuals and not joined at the hip. We trust each other. There are no secrets, not because we demand the other be completely open, but because we are comfortable being completely open because we know that judgement will not follow.
TL;DR -- Find someone you like as a person, communicate, tell the truth, stop searching for someone who can be an accessory to your life
This post was edited on 12/19/21 at 2:08 pm
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:13 pm to TigerFanatic99
That's no way to go through life man.
I am super happy with my wife of 11 years. The last 2 with our daughter has been a big change in our lifestyle but still great just in a different way.
I am super happy with my wife of 11 years. The last 2 with our daughter has been a big change in our lifestyle but still great just in a different way.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:13 pm to shutterspeed
quote:
You only get one life, homie.
Thank God.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:14 pm to Odysseus32
Some people are lying to themselves
Those people lie to others
The vicious cycle continues ….
Those people lie to others
The vicious cycle continues ….
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:14 pm to go ahead make my day
quote:
Besides, women treat you the best when they are auditioning for marriage and they are trying to close the deal. It's hilarious how every woman thinks that she is the one that is going to convince you to commit where all others have failed.
What’s ironic is I found this to be true of men as well. But mostly through my friends bc I’ve been married for almost 20 years. There are just as many arse holes as there are bitches out there.
This post was edited on 12/19/21 at 2:17 pm
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:15 pm to Hoyt
Married 20 years. Honestly, it keeps getting better and it’s been good for a long time.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:19 pm to TigerFanatic99
quote:
It is what it is. I've got 40 or 50 more years in this world to get through then it's finally fricking done.
This
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:21 pm to High C
quote:
The moral decline has led to marriage really not meaning much anymore.
It means a lot to me and my wife. We raised four kids who will all be married within the next few months. I’d bet half of what I own that none will ever be divorced.
This post was edited on 12/19/21 at 2:22 pm
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:26 pm to Odysseus32
quote:
It's a very simple question of, 'am I attracted to this person and who they are?'. Are they attracted to me?
Yep...
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:28 pm to Hoyt
I love the shite out of my wife, and I'm very happy with her.
But we may still be considered "newlyweds" at a little over 3 years. Not to mention we have no kids yet either.
In either case, both or us are happy.
But we may still be considered "newlyweds" at a little over 3 years. Not to mention we have no kids yet either.
In either case, both or us are happy.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:30 pm to TigerFanatic99
quote:
God knows we are certainly not. We have 5 year old twins and at this part are good friends co-parenting. We both work well as a team, generally like each other, and have no interest trying to be single again.
It is what it is. I've got 40 or 50 more years in this world to get through then it's finally fricking done.
Pics of wife? J/K man, start hiding money if you can.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:31 pm to TigerFanatic99
quote:
You only get one life, homie.
Thank God.
Dude, if you aren’t trolling, you need to make some changes asap. You say you and your wife are pretty good friends/coparents. What i’m hearing is that either you have lost attraction for each other, are just overwhelmed with the twins, or both. Now, divorce may seem like a good answer but then you will be trying to date people while still having to deal with an ex wife and twins. Plus child support. If she’s willing, you guys need to make each other your top priority. If the kids are fed and safe, focus on each other. Hire babysitters. Ask friends or family to watch the kids. Exercise together, even if it’s just walking at first. Go on dates, take trips. Make each others’ happiness (and your own) come before the happiness of the kids. Help each other also have some “alone” time to recharge. Put yourselves and each other first, even if this child-centric society tells you otherwise. The kids will ultimately benefit from two parents who are actually happy together (or just, together.) If you don’t outright hate each other at this point, it’s not too late.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:35 pm to TigerFanatic99
quote:
Thank God.
Keep that attitude up and you'll be reincarnated as a Walmart greeter
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:38 pm to go ahead make my day
quote:
think the litmus test for a married couple is "would you stay married if you won the lottery?".
100 Million each.
Financially secure for life.
Enough money to retire and live any life you wanted anywhere you wanted.
Would you still stay married?
90 percent would say no, and the other 10 percent would be lying.
Speak for yourself my man. Me and my wife have already made plans for what we'd do together if we win the lottery. My life is better with her in it. So why not travel with the woman I love. Rather than travelling the world alone trying to bang random women I don't like nor care for.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:40 pm to Hoyt
quote:
Are Many Couples Actually Happy?
Only the good ones.
Seriously though - lots of couples are. We are 30+ years and still happy.
To be honest, reading about OT'ers outlooks on life through just reading the board, it is not surprising that many would struggle with marriage.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:42 pm to TigerFanatic99
quote:
We have 5 year old twins
quote:
I've got 40 or 50 more years in this world to get through
How about you focus on them for the next 10 and reassess your outlook.
Because man, these are the days you’ll want back. Even the hard ones. There is no greater joy, or challenge, than raising kids.
They look up to you, want your love, need your attention. And going through life depressed is going to have an effect on them.
To paraphrase something I heard once.
Yesterday is over and tomorrow isn’t yet written. What we have is right now, and it’s a gift. That’s why we call it the Present.
Hug your kids. Read them a story. Be silly. Sing songs, laugh. I promise they will make your day brighter. You need to be looking forward to the fun times that comes tomorrow, not the end decades from now.
Do yourself a favor man, because you can’t get it back.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:45 pm to TigerFanatic99
quote:That sounds awful. Life is a beautiful gift to be enjoyed and is full of love and peace not misery.
I've got 40 or 50 more years in this world to get through then it's finally fricking done
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:46 pm to elprez00
quote:Being a mom is consequence enough.
There are zero consequences in a marriage for a female, especially if you have kids
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