Domain: tiger-web1.srvr.media3.us Brother going through a divorce... | Page 10 | O-T Lounge
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re: Brother going through a divorce...

Posted on 7/13/19 at 7:28 pm to
Posted by Ted2010
Member since Oct 2010
38958 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 7:28 pm to
Divorce sucks and people can be very selfish and heartless. Hope your brother comes through this ok. Trust me, there is life after divorce.
Posted by redstick13
Lower Saxony
Member since Feb 2007
40672 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 7:45 pm to
quote:

All states have no fault divorce...


That's not true. There are still states that take adultory into account.
This post was edited on 7/13/19 at 7:51 pm
Posted by FightnBobLafollette
Member since Oct 2017
12204 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 7:49 pm to
quote:

she raised the two kids alone.


quote:

she didn't work. Yes, she did not work.


Found the problem.
Posted by BluegrassBelle
RIP Hefty Lefty - 1981-2019
Member since Nov 2010
106979 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 8:17 pm to
quote:

Chicken or the egg, Right? frick it. We know how it all started. Rebellion at home.



Actually, it sounds like it started when they married too young before they could really respect each other (and the sacrifices people make to raise a family and have a good marriage).

And it's definitely not exclusive to just women. Plenty of shitty men out there who cheat and try to justify being shitty towards their wives (and expecting them to just "put up with it").

You have to find your happiness outside of your relationship in order to be in a good relationship that will hold up in the long run. If she wanted those things, she should've set the boundary that it needed to happen before she was willing to start a family. If he didn't want that, then he should've spoken up and they should've went their separate ways.

People need to learn to grow the frick up and walk away from a relationship early on if they're not compatible.

Break ups suck, but they're a hell of a lot easier than a divorce 10 years down the road over something you should've hashed out early on.
Posted by Globetrotter747
Member since Sep 2017
5473 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 8:30 pm to
quote:

I’d be willing to bet that out of all the marriages that end like the one mentioned in the OP, 95% of those women are highly active on social media


If you meet a woman who posts a lot of solo selfies on social media, you need to leave her alone.
Posted by FightnBobLafollette
Member since Oct 2017
12204 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 8:32 pm to
That’s a lot of paragraphs to say that women are terrible. ;)
Posted by GreatLakesTiger24
Member since May 2012
59528 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 8:34 pm to
Solo selfies on an even somewhat regular basis is a yuge red flag
Posted by BluegrassBelle
RIP Hefty Lefty - 1981-2019
Member since Nov 2010
106979 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 8:36 pm to
quote:

That’s a lot of paragraphs to say that women are terrible. ;)


Meh. People are terrible. It just works out better when the terrible people are with other terrible people, so there isn't any collateral damage.
Posted by DollaChoppa
I Simp for ACC
Member since May 2008
84774 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 8:36 pm to
quote:

Why is it that western women in western societies have become some hedonistic?


Meh, all women are the same if they are put in the same environment
Posted by redandright
Member since Jun 2011
9793 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 8:45 pm to
I’ve been married to the same man for 41 years. We have two self-supporting children. We’ve been through a lot, some bad, but overall good. Really good. It’s great to have someone who knows how you’ll react, who can put you first when he knows you need it. I try to do the same for him.


Whenever something interesting or important happens, he’s the first one I think of, because what he thinks matters to me. I respect him and appreciate him. He’s the best ;man I know.


Though it’s a cliche it’s true, marriage is work, and some people would rather be right, than happy. But the effort is worth it.

I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Posted by birchbayduck
Birch Bay, Washington
Member since Jul 2019
473 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 8:45 pm to
single and in my 40's no kids here and no plans for being married or having kids. I want to go hunting/fishing at 2 am, no "honey can i go fishing?" I just get up and go. Too many times I dated it was always about "buy me this, buy me that." Work and buy it your damn self. Between that and getting cheated on, being single going on 9 years has been pretty dang good. Sure there's a part of me that wants to have someone with me, but considering where I have been and what I have seen (all of my 9 co-workers are divorcees), I'll just pass on the idea of marriage.
Posted by Tall Tiger
Golden Rectangle
Member since Sep 2007
4213 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 8:47 pm to
When you are married but you are basically raising the children as a single parent, that marriage is always going to have problems. That's not a man versus woman thing, that is a marital problem that needs to be resolved for the sake of everyone involved.
Posted by BluegrassBelle
RIP Hefty Lefty - 1981-2019
Member since Nov 2010
106979 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 8:52 pm to
quote:

When you are married but you are basically raising the children as a single parent, that marriage is always going to have problems. That's not a man versus woman thing, that is a marital problem that needs to be resolved for the sake of everyone involved.


The reality is that for many middle class couples, the one person working in a family isn't nearly as feasible as it was for our parents. The fact that the OPs brother was working two jobs to keep things afloat, just so she could not work and just raise the kids, creates enough of an unequal balance that there's a good chance that relationship is going to suffer.

Especially if he's working two jobs to the point that their relationship needs aren't being met regularly.

Balance is a very real thing.
Posted by birchbayduck
Birch Bay, Washington
Member since Jul 2019
473 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:01 pm to
yup...watched my neighbor's wife go down into batshitcrazyville and the kicker was she wasn't using or drinking at all. He worried himself to death about getting her help and did everything under the sun to help her. At a BBQ she came over acting all normal and with about 20 of us neighbors all around, she suddenly goes into "he has done nothing for me ever...he is trying to kill me and eat my soul" I could go into the details of which would blow your mind as what all she said, but she at that point was obviously....gone. She ended up having her brother came to get her and for nine months, no peep from her. Her husband was as wrecked mentally and emotionally as one could get as he set a new record for hitting rock bottom. Honestly I had hoped his wife jumped off a damn cliff here in the PNW as what I saw her husband do to try and help her was more than most guys would have done. Now she's living in Rhode Island and he is getting a divorce now that its been over a year since she left. Thank God they didn't have kids as there's no telling what she would have done to them or him in that scenario.
This post was edited on 7/13/19 at 9:02 pm
Posted by thejudge
Westlake, LA
Member since Sep 2009
15131 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:07 pm to
More than likely she's gotten the itch to move on because of a mid life crisis or there is someone else.

She's blaming him for all the shite she didn't get to do. She's selfish, but that's the society we live in. All about ourselves.

It's a me me me society. Look around. It's depressing in that regard.
Posted by Meauxjeaux
102836 posts including my alters
Member since Jun 2005
46294 posts
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:18 pm to
That’s a pretty good post and DAMNED CLOSE to truth. But this part is slightly off and it’s a HUGE off...

quote:

It is quite simple, and my own personal be-all-end-all source for wisdom, the Holy Bible, spells it out clearly and plainly (Disclaimer: I am no saint, so relax): Women, respect your husband as the male he was created as; men, respect your wife for the woman she was created as.


For men, it’s LOVE your wife. Men and women are wired differently and the biblical call is for:

Women respect your man,
Men love your wife.

Love and respect.

Best marriage material out there.

Emerson Eggerichs
Posted by Bigbee Hills
Member since Feb 2019
1531 posts
Posted on 7/14/19 at 12:31 am to
So true, and I was 100% wrong in my quote. You, sir, are correct.

That said, Scripture makes no bones about respecting others no matter the sex. Also, in my useless opinion, respect to a woman is loving her-or at least to my good woman it is.

That said, again, you are correct, and I was wrong. I will concede that without hesitation.
Posted by Tigersonfire
Pville
Member since Oct 2018
3027 posts
Posted on 7/14/19 at 12:37 am to
quote:

What did she think was gonna happen when she had them?


21 years of payments from him for two kids.....classic move
Posted by FightnBobLafollette
Member since Oct 2017
12204 posts
Posted on 7/14/19 at 12:56 am to
quote:

hen you are married but you are basically raising the children as a single parent, that marriage is always going to have problems. That's not a man versus woman thing, that is a marital problem that needs to be resolved for the sake of everyone involved.



Exactly.

I guess my post where I quoted “didn’t work” and raising kids alone was too subtle.

Rich or poor, this situation is gonna be problematic.
Posted by dupergreenie
Member since May 2014
9878 posts
Posted on 7/14/19 at 1:20 am to
I will tell you the best advice.... be there for him. Constantly check on him. Take him out (not to necessarily look for poon) but he needs to get out (from the sounds of it yall don't live close I skimmed the post) so maybe try a weekend trip to visit once a month or something.

Today's society have propped women up as being next to God and men are basically scum of the earth. Generations of being the 'alpha' and all of a sudden you aren't even good enough to take care of your family really misses with a man's psyche (and I am in now way saying your brother is a beta or not a man). Constantly reassure him that he was a great husband, father and provider. Try not to knock the ex-wife to hard since that could cause issues.
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