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Message
re: Just got served divorce papers today
Posted on 7/17/15 at 12:41 pm to Mid Iowa Tiger
Posted on 7/17/15 at 12:41 pm to Mid Iowa Tiger
quote:
by Mid Iowa Tiger
And you bring it here? Interesting social experiment.
2
Posted on 7/17/15 at 12:48 pm to SamuelClemens
Sometimes, the ability to talk anonymously is a good thing if it helps someone. Of course, the downside is that just about everyone else is also anonymous and rudeness comes a lot easier for some as a result.
Posted on 7/17/15 at 12:51 pm to damnedoldtigah
quote:
Sometimes, the ability to talk anonymously is a good thing if it helps someone.
This. It has helped me, as evident by the many posts in this and the other thread
Posted on 7/17/15 at 12:58 pm to meauxjeaux2
One other thing I would offer as us males can really be bad at mentally/emotionally beating ourselves up over these types of things.
Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is ourselves, but that is a necessary step. As indicated before, marital failures are generally the fault of both parties. How much fault is assigned to each party is another issue. For now, let's just look at ourselves for a moment in terms of the forgiveness thing.
We have a wide diversity of religious views on this board. However, I think that many of us will agree that God offers forgiveness and unconditional grace.
When we have trouble with forgiving ourselves, consider this for a moment: If God will forgive us for whatever, who are we to turn that down? Self-forgiveness seems to come a little easier with that thought in mind.
Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is ourselves, but that is a necessary step. As indicated before, marital failures are generally the fault of both parties. How much fault is assigned to each party is another issue. For now, let's just look at ourselves for a moment in terms of the forgiveness thing.
We have a wide diversity of religious views on this board. However, I think that many of us will agree that God offers forgiveness and unconditional grace.
When we have trouble with forgiving ourselves, consider this for a moment: If God will forgive us for whatever, who are we to turn that down? Self-forgiveness seems to come a little easier with that thought in mind.
Posted on 7/17/15 at 1:59 pm to damnedoldtigah
Congrats to OP, time to buy a motorcycle.
Posted on 7/17/15 at 2:19 pm to damnedoldtigah
quote:
One other thing I would offer as us males can really be bad at mentally/emotionally beating ourselves up over these types of things.
Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is ourselves, but that is a necessary step. As indicated before, marital failures are generally the fault of both parties. How much fault is assigned to each party is another issue. For now, let's just look at ourselves for a moment in terms of the forgiveness thing.
We have a wide diversity of religious views on this board. However, I think that many of us will agree that God offers forgiveness and unconditional grace.
When we have trouble with forgiving ourselves, consider this for a moment: If God will forgive us for whatever, who are we to turn that down? Self-forgiveness seems to come a little easier with that thought in mind.
Couldn't say it any better. Most marital failures are due to both parties, with the obvious exception of abusers/cheaters/etc.
Let's take my own for example. In a way, I neglected my wife more times than I care to admit. On the flip side, my wife is of the type that rarely speaks up more than once (this is due to the very abusive childhood of hers) - so she would say things once and that would pretty much be it. So it went both ways - I need to be hit over the head and she rarely says something more than once. Over the years, it kind of snowballed from there. The sad thing is, we never fought, I never hit or raised my voice, never cheated, or was abusive in any form.
There are other examples, but that paints a poor communication picture. For the longest time, I really beat myself up over this. I mean really. I learned to forgive myself, and in that, I came to realize that she had just as much part in it as I did. Once I realized that, I forgave her - even for the EA. Yes, there are still trust issues resulting, and that will just take time.
But damnedoldtigah hit it on the head.
Posted on 7/17/15 at 2:20 pm to Spaceman Spiff
quote:
with the obvious exception of abusers/cheaters/etc.
Even those have partial fault on other party. What if the person cheated because they weren't getting that loving? (Not that I condone that action, but happy people don't normally cheat).
Posted on 7/17/15 at 4:55 pm to SouthOfSouth
quote:
Even those have partial fault on other party. What if the person cheated because they weren't getting that loving? (Not that I condone that action, but happy people don't normally cheat).
And some women are happy being whores.
Posted on 7/17/15 at 5:51 pm to SamuelClemens
quote:
And you bring it here? Interesting social experiment.
I did Indeed. In reality when I threw it it here I was at a very low place - very low and half way was looking for the abuse that is the norm on here sometimes because I was beating myself up.
Reading through the amazing, open, vulnerable (even though anonymous) posts this thread has really helped me heal.
I sit here with tears in my eyes but knowing the sun is still coming up and the calendar turns.
I likely won't be online much this weekend. I am at a conference put on by the John Paul II Healing Center called Unveiled:Becoming One. It is about sexual healing I registered a month ago and asked my wife to please pray about coming. Ends up she was too far gone.
The sad part is a large part of our problems stem from some sexual dysfunction in her background.
Thought this may help but now I'm just hoping it helps me or I can help others.
Posted on 7/17/15 at 6:08 pm to damnedoldtigah
quote:
Self-forgiveness seems to come a little easier with that thought in mind.
OK I'm not going through a divorce right now but as a mom who is hard on herself for so many things, this sure is a good reminder!
Posted on 7/17/15 at 6:09 pm to Mid Iowa Tiger
quote:
Mid Iowa Tiger
Keep your chin up buddy
Posted on 7/17/15 at 6:14 pm to meauxjeaux2
quote:
What i'm going thru has some eerie resemblances to what you went thru except if you can imagine mine has a few more whacky turns in it which i will reveal in good time.
Really looking forward to this thread
To the OP, "If you're going through hell, keep going."
Posted on 7/17/15 at 7:01 pm to Mid Iowa Tiger
Good luck on the healing process. A workshop is better outlet than going for 20 year olds. Hopefully the divorce isn't too litigious.
Posted on 7/17/15 at 8:46 pm to Rhino5
quote:
I'm beginning to realize that the stay at home capable moms of this generation are as far and few in between as finding a multi millionaire spouse.
Marriage is undergoing a silent revolution. People today don't look at it as seriously as previous generations did. The institution itself, like other major institutions today, are under attack and being dissolved. Social, Spiritual, Political, Financial institutions today are undergoing rapid change in the Western world.
Posted on 7/17/15 at 8:52 pm to tiger91
Self forgiveness. Hmmm ever elusive.
Posted on 7/17/15 at 9:30 pm to Mid Iowa Tiger
Hang in there brother. We all need to vent, and contrary to the random douches I think we do a pretty good job of looking out for our own here.
Good luck to you this weekend.
Good luck to you this weekend.
Posted on 7/17/15 at 9:34 pm to Mid Iowa Tiger
Social media. Tells girls what they're supposed to be now. Only the ones who grew up dirt poor appreciate a house and kids nowadays. That's what I think.
Posted on 7/17/15 at 9:48 pm to Rhino5
quote:
Social media. Tells girls what they're supposed to be now. Only the ones who grew up dirt poor appreciate a house and kids nowadays. That's what I think.
Seems that way. The self-conscious side of females is attracted to the massive amounts of pictorial representations of "the life". I find it especially concerning when you have a female that feels entitled to a particular lifestyle even though she is not willing to work for it, and expects others to just provide it without question.
Posted on 7/17/15 at 10:07 pm to tiggerthetooth
Pics or GTFO
SIAP
congrats....23 is respectable....now go LIVE
SIAP
congrats....23 is respectable....now go LIVE
This post was edited on 7/17/15 at 10:32 pm
Posted on 7/18/15 at 2:13 pm to tiggerthetooth
I may have told this story at one point, if so, please forgive.
I had an acquaintance who was a CPA. He busted his arse, provided a good home for his family, spent time with his children and wife. On the other hand, "Kelly" was this drop dead gorgeous woman who could walk though a graveyard and wake the dead .... and she knew it. It even got obvious when she was fashionably late for church services just so she could walk down one of the side aisles and know that every live male in the congregation was watching (pissed a lot of wives off). Her dad made good money as a Vet, so I am sure she was well indulged as a child and adolescent. Her husband eventually bought a new house for her in the most prestigious community in town. After the fact, he talked about how deflated he was when that bitch was standing inside this fantastic house and wondered aloud, "is this all there is?". At that point, a red flag went up. Kelly was probably about 42 or 43 at the time. A couple of weeks later on the way home from a church service (with the kids in the car) she looks at her husband and told him that she didn't want to be married anymore. It blew him away.
The divorce went down, child custody and property division got dealt with, and eventually he met and married a woman who was a hell of a lot more balanced. Personally, in terms of looks and maturity of this woman, he came out ahead on the deal although he and his kids suffered through hell for it.
Meanwhile, Kelly also remarried and at age 46 had a baby for the new husband. I pity the bastard for being hamstrung like that at his age for the next 18 to 21 years, but then again, he made the bed.
I admire those who can get past the trust issues. I am still working on that one myself and seem to get more cynical year by year. Just haven't met the right person yet.
I had an acquaintance who was a CPA. He busted his arse, provided a good home for his family, spent time with his children and wife. On the other hand, "Kelly" was this drop dead gorgeous woman who could walk though a graveyard and wake the dead .... and she knew it. It even got obvious when she was fashionably late for church services just so she could walk down one of the side aisles and know that every live male in the congregation was watching (pissed a lot of wives off). Her dad made good money as a Vet, so I am sure she was well indulged as a child and adolescent. Her husband eventually bought a new house for her in the most prestigious community in town. After the fact, he talked about how deflated he was when that bitch was standing inside this fantastic house and wondered aloud, "is this all there is?". At that point, a red flag went up. Kelly was probably about 42 or 43 at the time. A couple of weeks later on the way home from a church service (with the kids in the car) she looks at her husband and told him that she didn't want to be married anymore. It blew him away.
The divorce went down, child custody and property division got dealt with, and eventually he met and married a woman who was a hell of a lot more balanced. Personally, in terms of looks and maturity of this woman, he came out ahead on the deal although he and his kids suffered through hell for it.
Meanwhile, Kelly also remarried and at age 46 had a baby for the new husband. I pity the bastard for being hamstrung like that at his age for the next 18 to 21 years, but then again, he made the bed.
I admire those who can get past the trust issues. I am still working on that one myself and seem to get more cynical year by year. Just haven't met the right person yet.
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