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Message
re: Just got served divorce papers today
Posted on 7/18/15 at 2:22 pm to Rhino5
Posted on 7/18/15 at 2:22 pm to Rhino5
quote:
Only the ones who grew up dirt poor appreciate a house and kids nowadays. That's what I think
Could well be. I wasn't born into privilege myself. However, I worked my arse off to the point that I have a pretty comfortable life. Even so, I try to remember and stay humble.
It could well be that many of us fathers who have raised daughters made the mistake of putting them on too high of a pedestal. I don't know. I have a daughter who I love to death, but she is so much like her mother that I actually pity the poor bastard who married her, and have gone out of my way to help him out a couple of times over the years just to keep them together and her living in another town. I tell people that I was actually able to cancel my valium script after she moved out of my house.
My son, on the other hand, is industrious like his old man. He did a tour in Iraq and will be finishing with a bachelors in accounting this December. Given that the GI bill is not what it once was, he lives with me and of course I am helping out on tuition and books - whatever he needs. Kid's well grounded. He is also my last one and I will sorely miss him once he moves out, but he has a wonderful life ahead of him.
2
Posted on 7/18/15 at 2:24 pm to Spaceman Spiff
quote:
But damnedoldtigah hit it on the head.
Thank you.
Posted on 7/18/15 at 2:53 pm to damnedoldtigah
quote:
Even so, I try to remember and stay humble.
It's always great to be humble in life, or life will find a way to humble you.
quote:
My son, on the other hand, is industrious like his old man. He did a tour in Iraq and will be finishing with a bachelors in accounting this December. Given that the GI bill is not what it once was, he lives with me and of course I am helping out on tuition and books - whatever he needs. Kid's well grounded. He is also my last one and I will sorely miss him once he moves out, but he has a wonderful life ahead of him.
Posted on 7/18/15 at 3:50 pm to Will Cover
Is she cheating on you?
Posted on 7/18/15 at 3:56 pm to BamaScoop
quote:
Is she cheating on you?
I'm just glad my wife still has sex.
Edit.
With me. And maybe others?
This post was edited on 7/18/15 at 3:57 pm
Posted on 7/18/15 at 4:29 pm to Mid Iowa Tiger
I went through the same thing after a 27 year marriage but I only had three kids and they were mostly grown.
You will experience all the stages of grief at one time or another and this is unavoidable. Many will want to give you advice and many will say," it will get better in time."
Even though it will, this won't help your present situation at all.
Rely on family and find you a close friend or two who are willing to hear you pour out your soul and to repeat yourself often. You will get through this.
Prayers sent.
You will experience all the stages of grief at one time or another and this is unavoidable. Many will want to give you advice and many will say," it will get better in time."
Even though it will, this won't help your present situation at all.
Rely on family and find you a close friend or two who are willing to hear you pour out your soul and to repeat yourself often. You will get through this.
Prayers sent.
Posted on 7/18/15 at 4:33 pm to Mid Iowa Tiger
i see that you have "Houston" as your place. not sure the rules in texas but, a few years back, my wife left me and we had two kids. I worked offshore 14/14 and I made just a little bit more than she did. I had my kids on the 14 days that I was off so my child support was very minimal. I got a script of Xanax when she left and it was the best thing that I could've done. I suggest it to everyone that goes through this shite. but, be careful as it's highly addictive. I promise you, though, that it will certainly help you not give a shite. good luck.
Posted on 7/18/15 at 4:54 pm to Revelator
quote:
Rely on family and find you a close friend or two who are willing to hear you pour out your soul and to repeat yourself often. You will get through this.
The hospital I was working at when I had my divorce had a very interesting informal culture. We all took care of each other in bad times (i.e., family deaths, houses burning down, divorces, etc).
Their informal practice was that when it was learned that you were going through a divorce you were assigned a "guide" who was someone who spent time with you, listened to you, kept you from making real bad decisions, and essentially kept you from destroying yourself during this time - us males are pretty infamous for this during the loss of a spouse.
I actually had two guides, who took turns keeping an eye on me and keeping track 24/7. One of them had been through two divorces herself and could offer a unique perspective. The other was very well balanced mentally and was not afraid to confront me if she thought I was about to do something wreckless. They did a pretty fair job of keeping me grounded for about 18 months until I made the decision to go into therapy.
I doubt that I will ever be able to repay that debt other than to offer a helping hand to others.
But, yes, find a "guide" who will have your best interests at heart, and if female, will not get into a sexual relationship with you.
I was so lucky to have been working at that particular hospital at the time.
Posted on 7/18/15 at 5:04 pm to oldcharlie8
quote:
I got a script of Xanax when she left and it was the best thing that I could've done.
I would moreso recommend an antidepressant for a while. Something like Pristiq. Hang with it about about 12 to 18 months and then taper off of it.
Posted on 7/18/15 at 5:08 pm to damnedoldtigah
I do blame social media a lot and also people telling someone don't worry it's not that bad look at me I've been divorced ** times and my lawyer took him for all he was worth. Plus it's a way to connect with old friends or boyfriends and start thinking what could have been.
I just wonder how many people look back years and years later and wonder if I hadn't listened to so and so or what everyone was saying/doing on social media and regret it. I know I won't because I'm finally out of my hell of a marriage. I more stress free, not worried about making everyone happy, etc..... I just wish I hadn't taken the time to take others on vacations or what not when I was the person making the most money out of everyone but now since that is no longer the case I wasn't needed around any more. They got what they wanted out of me for 17 years.
I just wonder how many people look back years and years later and wonder if I hadn't listened to so and so or what everyone was saying/doing on social media and regret it. I know I won't because I'm finally out of my hell of a marriage. I more stress free, not worried about making everyone happy, etc..... I just wish I hadn't taken the time to take others on vacations or what not when I was the person making the most money out of everyone but now since that is no longer the case I wasn't needed around any more. They got what they wanted out of me for 17 years.
Posted on 7/18/15 at 5:24 pm to bulldog95
quote:
I just wonder how many people look back years and years later and wonder if I hadn't listened to so and so or what everyone was saying/doing on social media and regret it.
They might wonder it, but they would probably never admit it. Not even to themselves.
A friend talking about catching up with an old flame led me to google my ex-fiance, just out of idle curiosity.
Turns out she has a blog going, about how fulfilling being single is. I wasn't mentioned by name, but as the "person who broke her heart".
She was the one who ended it...
This post was edited on 7/18/15 at 8:37 pm
Posted on 7/18/15 at 6:11 pm to bulldog95
quote:
I just wonder how many people look back years and years later and wonder if I hadn't listened to so and so or what everyone was saying/doing on social media and regret it. I know I won't because I'm finally out of my hell of a marriage. I more stress free, not worried about making everyone happy, etc..... I just wish I hadn't taken the time to take others on vacations or what not when I was the person making the most money out of everyone but now since that is no longer the case I wasn't needed around any more. They got what they wanted out of me for 17 years.
Yeah, many of us do feel used. Mine got my best years physically. In terms of finances, I actually was fortunate enough to hit a second bump in my career and this time it's for me, and if my kids need any help.
For the most part the only time my ex contacts me is when she wants something. I've learned that saying "no" is not such a hard chore. Flip side of it, I can take that money and enjoy a few things myself. I lead a fairly comfortable lifestyle these days and will retire in that manner in a couple of years.
The one time that I have had a quasi-serious relationship where the marriage word was brought up, I stated two things:
A.) I was not sure if I wanted to go back into a "legally binding contract".
B.) If I did, there would definitely be a pre-nup as I intended to protect myself as well as my children's inheritance. Given that both of my kids were very frontal in stating that they did not believe that their mother should get anything in the will (which she obviously won't anyway), they sure as hell would object to sharing their inheritance with another. What I leave behind, I want it to be for them. There would be no joint assets and the only things she would get would be whatever I decided to put in my will specifically for her.
It's no surprise how many will cut and run after that.
I came close to losing everything before and thanks to a good lawyer managed to get out of the marriage with most of my assets. I am not sure that lightning will strike in the same place twice, so I am not taking the chance. There are other ways to make a relationship equitable without putting your financial balls on the chopping block and praying she doesn't find the meat cleaver.
These days, I find that I can get laid from time to time on dates. Otherwise, outside of my kids, the dog is my best company and the only one I fully trust.
This post was edited on 7/18/15 at 6:19 pm
Posted on 7/18/15 at 6:42 pm to damnedoldtigah
A few years back my mom took everything she had already placed in my name (land, trusts, money, stocks/bonds) and moved it all into a trust that doesn't have my name on it but everything is willed to me upon her death and some way our lawyer fixed it up so I' won't have any estate taxes either. Thank god cause my ex wasn't able to touch any of it and I've decided I can't take it with me so when I retire I'm going to liquidate all of my assets (estimated to be between 3-4 million $$$$$$ right now) and enjoy my twilight years.
There is so much stuff my grandparents had back in the 70's and 80's with certain financial institutions that I'm just now learning about some of it. Everytime they had timber cut or leased their land for royalties it all went into savings, annuities, and other stuff.
There is so much stuff my grandparents had back in the 70's and 80's with certain financial institutions that I'm just now learning about some of it. Everytime they had timber cut or leased their land for royalties it all went into savings, annuities, and other stuff.
Posted on 7/18/15 at 7:05 pm to Mid Iowa Tiger
quote:
Says she is afraid of me and I bully her
Pushing a woman around isn't tough. We'll ok, maybe if your a professional boxer or Football player, but really it isn't.
I want u to take ur arse to confessional, come clean, and then i want 100 hail marys after ur done.
Posted on 7/18/15 at 7:05 pm to Mid Iowa Tiger
I'm sorry to hear about this happening to you. Did you see any warning signs? Maybe some that in retrospect were pretty obvious?
Posted on 7/18/15 at 8:00 pm to Will Cover
quote:
My son, on the other hand, is industrious like his old man. He did a tour in Iraq and will be finishing with a bachelors in accounting this December. Given that the GI bill is not what it once was, he lives with me and of course I am helping out on tuition and books - whatever he needs. Kid's well grounded. He is also my last one and I will sorely miss him once he moves out, but he has a wonderful life ahead of him.
Very heartwarming and you did a great job with him, Dad. My seventeen year old son continues to impress me and blow my mind every day. He is a quality kid and also has a great future ahead of him. Kudos to you!
Posted on 7/18/15 at 9:42 pm to damnedoldtigah
quote:
Only the ones who grew up dirt poor appreciate a house and kids nowadays. That's what I think
We were by NO stretch dirt poor and I am in the "appreciative" category. Hopefully I'm not alone.
Posted on 7/18/15 at 10:24 pm to Tempratt
quote:
Pushing a woman around isn't tough. We'll ok, maybe if your a professional boxer or Football player, but really it isn't.
Never, ever touched her in anger. Not even grabbing an arm or anything. I do yell and get aggravated but that is it.
quote:
Did you see any warning signs? Maybe some that in retrospect were pretty obvious?
Yes. Hindsight is 20/20. I can't put them in writing as of now, but there were lots of little steps.
Posted on 7/18/15 at 10:26 pm to Mid Iowa Tiger
quote:
Yes. Hindsight is 20/20. I can't put them in writing as of now, but there were lots of little steps.
Same here looking back I can see her getting things together and everything in anticipation of her moving. Subtle little things I never noticed until looking back. Oh well.
Posted on 7/19/15 at 1:59 am to elprez00
quote:
Slight hijack. Just wanted to let you know that everytime I see you post the chorus to the commercial pops in my head. "Just let your Soooooul Glooooooow!"
"Just leeet it shiiine!"
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