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Message
re: Just got served divorce papers today
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:25 am to Pettifogger
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:25 am to Pettifogger
quote:
If an alien landed on the OT he'd think women being whores are responsible for 98% of marriage collapses.
I think you have a good spinoff thread idea. What would an Alien think of the world if TD was his only source of information.
1
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:26 am to TheOcean
quote:
Divorce is pretty fricking common, brah.
Not among Catholic families together for 20+ years with 7 kids.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:27 am to LNCHBOX
There's nothing wrong with not jumping to conclusions, but OP wouldn't be living in reality if he didn't think there's a chance something else has been going on. Not like it matters at this point. Bottom line is that it sounds like they've had issues for a few years. OP was man enough to give counseling a shot. It didn't work. She wants out.
Instead of crying for himself and wondering wtf he can do to win her back, he needs to protect himself. She has been planning this for a while. She has her ducks in a row while he has been sitting with his dick in his hand
Instead of crying for himself and wondering wtf he can do to win her back, he needs to protect himself. She has been planning this for a while. She has her ducks in a row while he has been sitting with his dick in his hand
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:27 am to yellowfin
quote:
Do they have one for spousal support too?
Louisiana has changed spousal support a lot. It provides for a transitional support phase, about a year. The amount is negotiated, not set in stone.
I think long term support payments are as rare as hen's teeth now.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:27 am to Golfer
quote:
Not among Catholic families together for 20+ years with 7 kids.
Yeah usually if you make it this far you'll live together in total misery if needed. Seeing that shite out.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:30 am to its1999
quote:
As much as it sucks for him personally, he needs to change his attitude, everything needs to be yes, of course, whatever you say, until she comes to her senses and realizes she's messing her kids up for life doing this, and returns to normal.
This is literally the worst thing I have ever read in terms of advice.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:30 am to TheOcean
quote:
Instead of crying for himself and wondering wtf he can do to win her back, he needs to protect himself. She has been planning this for a while. She has her ducks in a row while he has been sitting with his dick in his hand
This is a lot of speculation based on one side of the story. The idea that women going through counseling are planning divorces 18 months in advance can be true, but isn't always true.
We can't say "women are totally irrational" in one breath and turn around and claim they're fricking strategic savants in another.
Dude needs to get someone to objectively look at his marriage. Someone who can be harsh and frank. If they see what you see, then you're right. If they spot that he's not telling us the parts where he fought going to counseling, didn't participate, grumbled through it, etc., then there may be a chance to right the ship.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:30 am to TheOcean
quote:
There's nothing wrong with not jumping to conclusions
Meh.
quote:
but OP wouldn't be living in reality if he didn't think there's a chance something else has been going on
Saying there's a chance is much more reasonable than the definites I pointed out as example.
quote:
She has been planning this for a while. She has her ducks in a row while he has been sitting with his dick in his hand
You don't really know that. Who says she didn't impulsively file the papers?
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:31 am to SidewalkDawg
I read through about 4 pages of responses and 90% are horse shite.
Your responsibility is to that woman and those children, plain and simple.
Stop bullshitting yourself and take an honest assessment of yourself and what you have done.
This sounds just like my dad's and my brother's situations before their divorces, right down to the counseling descriptions. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED! I GAVE HER EVERYTHING!....blah blah blah.
Do everything you can to make it work. Period. Any other answer if short-sighted and probably from a 23 year old child fresh out of college with no real life experience or understanding of how screwed up things can get not just for you, but for your children.
Good luck to you brother, but the answers aren't here. Talk to your pastor, get individual counseling, don't give up.
Your responsibility is to that woman and those children, plain and simple.
Stop bullshitting yourself and take an honest assessment of yourself and what you have done.
This sounds just like my dad's and my brother's situations before their divorces, right down to the counseling descriptions. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED! I GAVE HER EVERYTHING!....blah blah blah.
Do everything you can to make it work. Period. Any other answer if short-sighted and probably from a 23 year old child fresh out of college with no real life experience or understanding of how screwed up things can get not just for you, but for your children.
Good luck to you brother, but the answers aren't here. Talk to your pastor, get individual counseling, don't give up.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:31 am to Pettifogger
quote:
We can't say "women are totally irrational" in one breath and turn around and claim they're fricking strategic savants in another.
+1000
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:32 am to Mid Iowa Tiger
quote:
Man this hurts more than anything I have ever felt.
Unfortunately we live in a disposable society. Some of us throw our marriage away, our aborted babies like we dispose of our paper cups. Have a daughter dealing with the same devestating effects of betrayal. Turd just walked out on her. I'm the father. Left to help her put her life back together. Thank God I can.
Hang tuff brother, I will pray for you.
This post was edited on 7/14/15 at 8:35 am
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:32 am to Hangit
quote:
IF she is cheating, she is cheating with a dude that is pumping sunshine up her arse to get laid. He does not want her for the long term but is willing to lie to get it shined up. After 23 years and 7 kids, her unit probably makes Hope Solo's look neat and pristine. He does not want her permanently but she thinks he does. Her exit strategy does not exist.
This is the problem I have with the "she's definitely cheating" crowd....who wants to frick a menopausal chick with 7 kids?
I know there are some sick bastards out there but damn
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:33 am to Matrixman
quote:
s. Have a daughter dealing with the same devestating effects of betrayal. Turd just walked out on her.
Obviously your daughter is the one in the wrong. How couldn't she be?
- OT hive mind
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:35 am to Pettifogger
quote:
This is a lot of speculation based on one side of the story. The idea that women going through counseling are planning divorces 18 months in advance can be true, but isn't always true.
This could have easily happened within the past few months (and probably so). I saw this happen first hand with my parents (a catholic family married for 25+ years). Bottom line is that OP needs to worry about protecting his assets and his kids. I doubt his wife (or ex) is trying to play nice right about now.
quote:
We can't say "women are totally irrational" in one breath and turn around and claim they're fricking strategic savants in another.
Never said they're totally irrational. And these two things aren't mutually exclusive. She could be not rationally thinking when it comes to getting divorced, but she could sure as shite be planning everything out to a T
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:37 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
Obviously your daughter is the one in the wrong.
Is that you beelzebub?
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:39 am to TheOcean
quote:
Never said they're totally irrational. And these two things aren't mutually exclusive. She could be not rationally thinking when it comes to getting divorced, but she could sure as shite be planning everything out to a T
She could be. Or this guy could be, you know, being a dude, and not really doing shite until something massive happens to make him take it seriously (when it may or may not be too late).
I'm young, but I've been there. I've had girls in fairly mature relationships give me a heads up that something I was doing was not going to work, and I blew it off until it became a real crisis. I'm sure married guys do the same.
We get one of these threads a month. The likelihood that all these guys are getting totally fricked by their wives, as opposed to some of them being shitty husbands, is just not very good.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:43 am to zacata88
quote:
Can't believe there are 5 pages of y'all automatically blaming the woman without even knowing anything about the situation. She's afraid of him. Sorry, OP, but you're probably emotionally abusive (you really think just because you never raised a hand you're not a bully?).
or she needed something to put on the paperwork and thats an easy one. we dont know anything thats going on but if she doesnt have proof of infidelity, or abuse -- bullying is an easy way to assign fault. im sure the dude isnt a perfect angel even in the best case but theres a pretty reasonable chance hes not a full on bully
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:43 am to Pettifogger
I think anyone would be an idiot to assume that the OP is 100% in the right. But I will say that it takes a man to agree to counseling--it isn't easy to admit that your relationship is failing, much less seek professional help after 23 years and 7 kids. Doesn't really matter at this point, though. OP's best move right now is to worry about him and his kids.
This post was edited on 7/14/15 at 8:44 am
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:46 am to Mid Iowa Tiger
that really sucks man, but the stigma of the ill effects of divorce on kids is overdramatized IMO. Sure there are going to be some tough spots but just be up front with them as much as you can and make sure they know it has nothing to do with them.
As for the wife, not to sound insensitive but f her. Sounds like a crazy broad. There are TONS of other fish in the sea
As for the wife, not to sound insensitive but f her. Sounds like a crazy broad. There are TONS of other fish in the sea
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:47 am to yellowfin
quote:
who wants to frick a menopausal chick with 7 kids?
I know there are some sick bastards out there but damn
My thoughts as well. She is pining for her younger years, and will never be able to get them back. She went to her mother's and commiserated. Mom got her all fired up to "make herself happy, no matter what," and now she is projecting all the trouble in the world onto him. She has been elbow deep in shite, piss and vomit for years, and she feels like life is passing her by. He's the father, so it's all his fault. She probably isn't able to find anything other than Mr Right Now, but he seems better than everyday life. Rinse, repeat. OP needs to find a mean-arse female divorce attorney who specializes in mens' rights and get to work.
ETA: Or, the OP could be a loud-mouthed D-bag who ran her off. Either way, it's done.
This post was edited on 7/14/15 at 8:50 am
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