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re: Possible Tinder Rape...in BR
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:28 pm to LesMiles BFF
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:28 pm to LesMiles BFF
i wasn't really curious as to what she was wearing, but in response to liz's comments about the discussion in her head, including a question of if the guy thinks he raped her, i was curious as to what would lead her to think that...so i asked if they had been flirting
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:28 pm to StarBurns
quote:
I don't think Liz is saying the tinder rapist was her rapist, walter
no but her rapist is still out there
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:28 pm to LesMiles BFF
You weren't raped so you shouldn't me mad
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:29 pm to LesMiles BFF
Without a "no" or a fight back, how does the dude no there wasn't consent on her end?
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:29 pm to LesMiles BFF
She said she wondered if he could justify it by that? I am wondering if she was dressed in a way that made him think it was ok.
No I am not blaming her for what happened to her
No I am not blaming her for what happened to her
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:29 pm to tigerinthebueche
quote:
I still don't see how any of this is "shaming".
Eh. I could easily see her story coming from a secondhand source and people seeing that she followed a guy into the bathroom, didn't fight back when he bent her over, and didn't say no as he fricked her. Not all that different from the Tinder story at hand, yet if you look at the Facebook and Advocate comments, especially in the beginning, there are plenty of people claiming she brought it on herself.
I think those comments are ridiculous and absolutely shaming.
That said, I do not necessarily think a man needs to rot in jail for such a situation because there are so many factors. There is a good chance these guys honestly assume it's fine and consent is there because there is no fighting back.
Again, why education to both genders is so crucial.
I understand why Liz decided not to report it. I can see where it's easy to feel guilty and partially blame yourself in situations like that.
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:30 pm to SlowFlowPro
No flirtation, no interaction. I was talking to other people. Hadn't said a word to this man. Just having fun, talking to people, friend nearby. Stranger approaches, says to come check something out, I had zero bad vibe. I am talkative and friendly, didn't think anything of it. The incident happened steps away from the others. After he finished I was alone, cleaned myself up, walked out, straight to friend and said "I was just raped, we have to leave NOW." It was a party of all his friends, we were the strangers to them.
I knew a guy in LC who had a female friend who fought back at a bar. He took her out back and beat her to death.
I knew a guy in LC who had a female friend who fought back at a bar. He took her out back and beat her to death.
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:30 pm to LouisianaLady
quote:
I think women should be educated about how to make their consent clear just as much as I think men should be educated how to make sure she is consenting. Because men aren't mind readers.
:kige:
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:31 pm to liz18lsu
quote:
No flirtation, no interaction. I was talking to other people. Hadn't said a word to this man.
then he knows he raped you
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:31 pm to liz18lsu
So there's no question he knew what he was doing and is a rapist. No fault of your own
I hope that piece of shite reads this thread
I hope that piece of shite reads this thread
This post was edited on 7/30/14 at 2:32 pm
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:33 pm to liz18lsu
quote:
I knew a guy in LC who had a female friend who fought back at a bar. He took her out back and beat her to death.
we probably know the same guy, esp if you're in BR
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:37 pm to liz18lsu
I don't mean to offend, but how does describing the savagery of the act including gory details about semen running down your leg and him taking you from behind to a bunch of pervs on the internet provide any kind of positive for you? One would think you could share your experiences in abstract and not drudge up the memory.
Also I didn't see the post, but you didn't file criminal charges against this person?
Also I didn't see the post, but you didn't file criminal charges against this person?
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:37 pm to liz18lsu
quote:
No flirtation, no interaction. I was talking to other people. Hadn't said a word to this man. Just having fun, talking to people, friend nearby. Stranger approaches, says to come check something out, I had zero bad vibe. I am talkative and friendly, didn't think anything of it. The incident happened steps away from the others. After he finished I was alone, cleaned myself up, walked out,
Straight up honey badger shite right there.
If you want the OT to find him, it's possible. We know people.
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:39 pm to The Pirate King
Do you know anything about mental health and trauma?
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:39 pm to The Pirate King
quote:
but how does describing the savagery of the act including gory details about semen running down your leg and him taking you from behind to a bunch of pervs
You're the only one that took it there bro
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:39 pm to LesMiles BFF
quote:
Yeah, but that's what makes him dangerous. If you can justify it then you can perpetrate it again.
And frick him.
(now I'm getting mad and I don't know why)
A lot of situations that women have considered to be rape never even occurred to the man as rape. That's why this issue has so much grey area. That's why Liz mentioned that she is unsure if the guy even knows he raped her.
I mentioned in these threads before how common it is when we're young and someone you're crazy about (say, your high school sweetheart) wants to have sex. And he's pushing and pushing and trying and begging. Say you're snuggled in bed or on the couch and he's just trying to hard and you like him a lot but you would have never initiated sex yet because you're not ready. And you don't want to lose your boyfriend or for him to be angry with you and you eventually stop fighting back even though you didn't say "YES LET'S DO IT!"
So so so so so much grey area.
You tell that young boy he raped you, his head might explode form disbelief because in his mind, you could have screamed and pushed him off and ran home but you didn't.
When I brought this up a while back, someone said it isn't the male's fault you were convinced. Being convinced isn't rape. Etc. And that might be halfway true, but is that much different than what Liz just told us and what you are all saying is rape and getting angry over? Nope.
ETA: Well now I see the guy was someone she had no previous interaction with, so it's a tad different. But it's not all that different from other people's stories.
This post was edited on 7/30/14 at 2:42 pm
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:39 pm to Btrtigerfan
Leave the guy alone
Let him move on with his life
Let him move on with his life
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:42 pm to StarBurns
quote:
Without a "no" or a fight back, how does the dude no there wasn't consent on her end?
She said earlier that she disassociated from the act. Because I know what that means I understand that just her body was there and not her mind.
Please don't take this in the wrong way, Liz, but it was as if he was having sex with a corpse. That's a sure sign that your partner definitely ISN'T into it.
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:42 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
No flirtation, no interaction. I was talking to other people. Hadn't said a word to this man.
then he knows he raped you
Agree/
Posted on 7/30/14 at 2:43 pm to The Pirate King
I shared my experience. I don't talk in abstract riddles. What happened, happened. To treat these acts in the abstract makes the savagery more palatable. Rape is unpleasant, there is no sugar coating it. My reasons for not filing were my own and I did what was best for me.
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