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re: Anyone have experience fostering kids?
Posted on 2/24/21 at 4:52 am to alajones
Posted on 2/24/21 at 4:52 am to alajones
My wife works for DCFS, agency that handles this, look up your area office. You and your wife will need to do thorough background checks. Attend several classes and then wait... for the call.
Just understand you not guaranteed to get a baby. You can get a child that has a lot of emotional baggage. For every 9 great stories I hear that 1 in which it ends badly
Just understand you not guaranteed to get a baby. You can get a child that has a lot of emotional baggage. For every 9 great stories I hear that 1 in which it ends badly
0
Posted on 2/24/21 at 5:34 am to alajones
quote:
Couldn’t think of a better way to spend time than raising kids.
I sure as hell can.
But much respect to you, OP.
Posted on 2/24/21 at 6:41 am to alajones
Check out Foster the Love Louisiana
Posted on 2/24/21 at 6:49 am to alajones
Mrs. Fonz (no pics) and I have thought about doing this in a few years when all of ours are off to college. We’ll have the room, so why not? We’ve heard the stories, good and bad, so we’ll have to do a lot of research and praying about it but it will be a real consideration for us.
This post was edited on 2/24/21 at 6:50 am
Posted on 2/24/21 at 7:07 am to TheFonz
We have fostered for a few years now. The system itself is a mess. Typical government standard fare. However, we have adopted 2 during this time. Tons of kids out there with sad situations needing a safe place. It will open your eyes to a side of society that you probably have never experienced. The biological parents live a life that you just shake your head at. Kids are a throw away item to them. Unbelievable. However, it justifies needing people wanting to help these kids. Everyone wants the babies, leaving the older kids hung out to dry. But the older ones also come with the baggage. Good luck going forward, and god bless you for trying to make a difference in a kids life. I've always said if you can make a difference in one kids life, you have helped 2-3 generations down the line.
Posted on 2/24/21 at 7:18 am to KCkid
quote:
KCkid
Thank You Sir! You are a True Hero!!!
Posted on 2/24/21 at 7:34 am to Bullfrog
quote:
We only do it for the money.
Got 7 of those right now. Almost have enough for the 2021 Yukon XL LT in the child welfare account. If we can bag two more, we’ll be set by June.
Since were not legally married, it’s easy for her to claim head of household on 4 of them and I take the other three.
It’s not a country club life but we manage and the direct deposits come like clockwork. Plenty leftover after bread and velveeta sammies most of the time.
quote:I was picking up some hamburger buns at Dollar General a couple of weeks ago. Older dude (i'm 50) was checking out before me. He had a grocery cart full of stuff. He was very chatty with the cashier, and when it came time to pay, he wanted to do some of it on EBT and the rest in cash. He went on to explain, without being asked, that the reason he had EBT was because him and his wife foster a bunch of kids. I'd like to think they did this outta love and caring, but my cynical side had me second guessing.
We only do it for the money.
Got 7 of those right now. Almost have enough for the 2021 Yukon XL LT in the child welfare account. If we can bag two more, we’ll be set by June.
Since were not legally married, it’s easy for her to claim head of household on 4 of them and I take the other three.
It’s not a country club life but we manage and the direct deposits come like clockwork. Plenty leftover after bread and velveeta sammies most of the time.
That being said, I had an elderly customer at my business that fostered kids for decades. Adopted a few of them, I have no doubt they did it for the good of the kids. Got to know them pretty well.
Posted on 2/24/21 at 7:34 am to PickleRick_Dojo
quote:
I’ll be honest with you...it fricking sucks 98% of the time.
This x1000000
Several years ago, 4 to be exact. There was a thread on here about the same thing. I mentioned that we were fostering 2 boys , 6 & 8 at the time, and we would be adopting them. Almost everybody was like oh it's great, you're awesome, that's such a nice thing. One guy was blunt and honest telling me how bad it was for him and his wife, how it's destroyed their home and ask they can do now is wait until he moves out. I should have listened. The 2 boys we adopted have completely destroyed our home. They refuse to follow rules, they've completely lied and just flat out made up stuff to get dcfs involved. We keep cameras in every room of the house now to protect ourselves from their crap. It's absolutely insane the stuff they will do. I'm convinced dcfs left stuff out of their file on purpose. The biggest mistake we've ever made. I get it, the boys need love, need a home, and we will continue to do our best but it's just so sad. They absolutely hate my wife, won't touch her. Therapist says they resent her because she's not their real mom and they don't wanna get attached. It's been 4 years.
It is an absolutely awful situation, but it's what God lead us to do. Someday they'll break through, hopefully.
Posted on 2/24/21 at 8:13 am to alajones
I'm not trying to discourage you either, but definitely be aware of what you're getting into.
My wife and I considered it for a long time. We went to the classes, got certified, etc. Ultimately we did not end up fostering because we were looking more for a route to adoption and fostering can be brutal. We did not do it because we have our son, and we did not want him to get attached to a child only for that child to be taken from us. There were no guarantees. Just bear that in mind if you are using it as a route to adoption.
You may get a foster that needs a forever home. You may get one you have for a couple of years, then they send them back to live with family members. That is rough.
I know two couples that were trying the foster to adopt and kept the kids for years, then the kids were moved and they aren't allowed contact. Just be aware of that.
I completely hate the foster system for what it puts these kids through. There are enough loving families out there that could take these kids in but they keep giving them back to shitty parents. Parents that have abused them both physically and emotionally.
My wife and I considered it for a long time. We went to the classes, got certified, etc. Ultimately we did not end up fostering because we were looking more for a route to adoption and fostering can be brutal. We did not do it because we have our son, and we did not want him to get attached to a child only for that child to be taken from us. There were no guarantees. Just bear that in mind if you are using it as a route to adoption.
You may get a foster that needs a forever home. You may get one you have for a couple of years, then they send them back to live with family members. That is rough.
I know two couples that were trying the foster to adopt and kept the kids for years, then the kids were moved and they aren't allowed contact. Just be aware of that.
I completely hate the foster system for what it puts these kids through. There are enough loving families out there that could take these kids in but they keep giving them back to shitty parents. Parents that have abused them both physically and emotionally.
This post was edited on 2/24/21 at 8:17 am
Posted on 2/24/21 at 8:24 am to alajones
Another way to help and test the waters without putting a kid in your home is to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) volunteer. They are lay people who are, after training, appointed by a judge to speak up for a child in foster care.
Per the FAQ: A CASA volunteer provides a judge with carefully researched background details about the child to help the court make a sound decision about that child’s future. Each case is as unique as the child involved. The CASA volunteer must determine if the best interest of the child is staying with their parents or guardians, remaining in foster care, or being freed for permanent adoption. The CASA volunteer makes a recommendation on placement to the judge and follows through on the case until it is permanently resolved.
LOUISIANA CASA
Per the FAQ: A CASA volunteer provides a judge with carefully researched background details about the child to help the court make a sound decision about that child’s future. Each case is as unique as the child involved. The CASA volunteer must determine if the best interest of the child is staying with their parents or guardians, remaining in foster care, or being freed for permanent adoption. The CASA volunteer makes a recommendation on placement to the judge and follows through on the case until it is permanently resolved.
LOUISIANA CASA
Posted on 2/24/21 at 8:34 am to alajones
I have worked for both DFCS and a private CPA(child placing agency) in the past. I would highly recommend going through a CPA. They will be able to give you much more support and guidance through the whole situation. DFCS workers are extremely overworked and you will be lucky to see them once a month. CPA workers will stay in contact with you, and check in multiple times throughout the month. They can also help you with any issues that you will experience with DFCS. You can let them know what age range you want, and they will do their best to find kids that will be a good match for your home.
There are so many kids that need a good home out there, but know that if you are looking for babies it may be best to go the adoption route. The vast majority of families want babies, so you will be low on the list until you have been with the agency a long time.
You will hear a lot of horror stories, and unfortunately a lot of them are true. The best way to avoid this is to be honest with your agency about what kind of behaviors and issues you are comfortable with. I would also recommend that you start out with kids that have low behavior issues. This can give you a baseline for what you may be able to handle. Every child and case will be different, and many times DFCS doesn't have a lot of information when they bring the child into care. This is where most of the bad stories come from as DFCS simply doesn't know they child's behaviors before they place them with you. Another reason I recommend going with an agency.
As far as making a lot of money from fostering, that is very hard to do. You either need to have at least 4 or more kids, which is a lot to handle, or you need to have kids that require a MWO(maximum watchful oversight) waiver. The kids that qualify for these waiver have a LOT of behavior issues and need many different services. There are much easier ways to make extra money than fostering.
Overall it can be a very difficult but very rewarding experience. Being able to help a child reunite with their birth family, or adopting a child, there is no better experience than that. Good luck to you and your family, and it really is an awesome thing you are doing!
There are so many kids that need a good home out there, but know that if you are looking for babies it may be best to go the adoption route. The vast majority of families want babies, so you will be low on the list until you have been with the agency a long time.
You will hear a lot of horror stories, and unfortunately a lot of them are true. The best way to avoid this is to be honest with your agency about what kind of behaviors and issues you are comfortable with. I would also recommend that you start out with kids that have low behavior issues. This can give you a baseline for what you may be able to handle. Every child and case will be different, and many times DFCS doesn't have a lot of information when they bring the child into care. This is where most of the bad stories come from as DFCS simply doesn't know they child's behaviors before they place them with you. Another reason I recommend going with an agency.
As far as making a lot of money from fostering, that is very hard to do. You either need to have at least 4 or more kids, which is a lot to handle, or you need to have kids that require a MWO(maximum watchful oversight) waiver. The kids that qualify for these waiver have a LOT of behavior issues and need many different services. There are much easier ways to make extra money than fostering.
Overall it can be a very difficult but very rewarding experience. Being able to help a child reunite with their birth family, or adopting a child, there is no better experience than that. Good luck to you and your family, and it really is an awesome thing you are doing!
Posted on 2/24/21 at 8:47 am to KCkid
As an update real life scenario:
Our now 14 YO has just came out of psychiatric treatment for the 4th time since mid December. Hormones, Covid isolation, may be a part of it. But, her bio family has a history of mental illness. I believe that is a part of what she is dealing with. We got her when she was 4, so has a time frame where she can remember the issues that brought her into care in the first place. We have a now 4 yo who we got at birth. Totally different mindset. I am sure that even if she had been my BIO child, that she could have also had these issues, but DNA is a strong factor anywhere. All I am saying is have a strong mind set about what is a possibility of happening. Not a bed of roses by any means. High Risk, High Reward.
Our now 14 YO has just came out of psychiatric treatment for the 4th time since mid December. Hormones, Covid isolation, may be a part of it. But, her bio family has a history of mental illness. I believe that is a part of what she is dealing with. We got her when she was 4, so has a time frame where she can remember the issues that brought her into care in the first place. We have a now 4 yo who we got at birth. Totally different mindset. I am sure that even if she had been my BIO child, that she could have also had these issues, but DNA is a strong factor anywhere. All I am saying is have a strong mind set about what is a possibility of happening. Not a bed of roses by any means. High Risk, High Reward.
Posted on 2/24/21 at 8:48 am to alajones
Mid 40s empty nesters? Have some more of your own
Posted on 2/24/21 at 9:24 am to alajones
One of my wife’s friends tried it and the girl who was 12, kept trying to have sex with the biological son, and kept calling an uncle she had the number for telling him she was being abused and neglected and wanted him to come get her.
They had to send her back before something bad happened.
They had to send her back before something bad happened.
Posted on 2/24/21 at 9:47 am to alajones
I was a foster parent for 7 years. It's a rough job to do. I had 7 or 8 children in that span, wanted to adopt most of them, but only got to adopt my final placement. We had some kids for 2 years, and then they would go back to their parents or another relative. It's hard not to get attached and the agencies goal is always reunification. They make you have your home 100 percent child proof, make you have everything locked up, and make you do a bunch of hours training and do background checks. Gotta have home inspections on the regular too. The kids' biological parents don't have to keep their homes tidy and only have to do minimum requirements to have a chance to get the child back. Visitation sux, messes with the child's head. There are a ton of drug babies these days. Most of my kids were fine, it was their parents that were head cases that we had to deal with.
But in the end, we adopted my daughter and it was a smooth transaction. She's the absolute best. Made me forget about all the disappointments I had the years prior.
And lastly, we chose children that were 5 and under, but they call you all the time about kids of any ages including sibling groups.
But in the end, we adopted my daughter and it was a smooth transaction. She's the absolute best. Made me forget about all the disappointments I had the years prior.
And lastly, we chose children that were 5 and under, but they call you all the time about kids of any ages including sibling groups.
Posted on 2/24/21 at 9:54 am to alajones
It's also a way to have a guaranteed income as some states pay well.
My SIL had three grown daughters and started fostering after her retirement. Fostering babies was easy, fostering teenagers wasn't as their really bad habits and bad friends came along with the teenager and they didn't want to change.
She ended up adopting two siblings and their behaviours caused the other fostering to cease as both had problems which continued into adulthood.
My SIL had three grown daughters and started fostering after her retirement. Fostering babies was easy, fostering teenagers wasn't as their really bad habits and bad friends came along with the teenager and they didn't want to change.
She ended up adopting two siblings and their behaviours caused the other fostering to cease as both had problems which continued into adulthood.
Posted on 2/24/21 at 2:32 pm to PickleRick_Dojo
quote:Louisiana.
What state and what do you want to know about it? DCFS and laws in each state are different.
Sounds like you’ve got a pretty good story even with the bad parts.
Posted on 2/24/21 at 2:34 pm to The Boat
quote:. Has not been an option for about 15 years.
Mid 40s empty nesters? Have some more of your own
Posted on 2/24/21 at 2:37 pm to lsu1919
quote:. Well...we’re not really definite on adopting another one. We’re just at the point where we feel like we could do some good. I’m sure we’ll go through some hardships though.
Just bear that in mind if you are using it as a route to adoption.
Posted on 2/24/21 at 3:27 pm to alajones
I really don't want to discourage you because they have a lot of great kids who need homes. Problem is the system is terribly broken and is only getting worse. You DO NOT want go through DCFS.
I suggest you start slow. Join a church that does service projects with group homes. If you don't wanna go the church route volunteer at a group home. Get exposed to some of the kids to see what types of things you will be dealing with. See if you connect with any of the kids, if you do inquire about there situation.
You can become a "Home Pass" option for a kid. Were they leave the group home for the weekend as a reward.
I suggest you start slow. Join a church that does service projects with group homes. If you don't wanna go the church route volunteer at a group home. Get exposed to some of the kids to see what types of things you will be dealing with. See if you connect with any of the kids, if you do inquire about there situation.
You can become a "Home Pass" option for a kid. Were they leave the group home for the weekend as a reward.
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