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Started By
Message
re: Bringing SO home for Christmas
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:30 am to MoisterOyster
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:30 am to MoisterOyster
If the family doesn’t like her it will never get better. Especially once kids are involved. Be prepared for a lifetime of misery amplified by any holiday
1
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:31 am to BrohemAlem11
quote:
Can't imagine being a grown man that still gives a flying frick about my parents opinion of my life choices.
Tell me you have a shitty relationship with your parents without telling me.
If you have loving, supportive, mature parents, who want the best for you, then yes, you should take their opinions in to account.
If you came from trashy, immature, selfish, shitbirds, and have tried to grow above them, then yeah, who cares what they think.
The OP needs to provide more info. What’s his relationship with his mom? Is she an a-hole?
What’s his mom’s problem with the GF? Is it valid?
Maybe mom sees that the GF is a huge POS and is trying to save her son from a big mistake?
Or maybe mom is just jealous and feels threatened by GF. In that case, ignore her.
More info needed, including pics.
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:33 am to MoisterOyster
quote:
We’ve been dating for a year and both of us in mid 20’s trying to figure our lives out.
Neither of us are trashy i just think they want me to dump her and move back home. I low key wanna move back home too but BR kinda blows
So is this the real reason, or is it the looks?
Your family can probably tell you're happy home and knows what kind of future you have in both places. In your mid twenties, you should give your future a lot of thought and not make the decision based on a relationship.
That said, if you have a great future ahead of you where you currently live, regardless of your SO... Then you can start to consider your future with regard to your SO. You need to get stability in your own life before you decide to permanently bring someone else into it.
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:36 am to TygerTyger
quote:
If you have loving, supportive, mature parents, who want the best for you, then yes, you should take their opinions in to account.
If you came from trashy, immature, selfish, shitbirds, and have tried to grow above them, then yeah, who cares what they think.
What if you were raised by loving, otherwise mature parents who have decided to behave this way for the first time? (Well, mom did.. OP said dad is fine)
This is ridiculously common, and it is an immature woman issue that plenty of otherwise normal mothers take on. I don't have a son, so I can't understand the relationship there, but it seems to be a weird jealously thing.
Happened to me. I'm so loved now that I'm basically blood, but it was not always that way and it was only solved because my SO wasn't giving in to childish games. Turned around real fast when he started deciding to hang back at home when they had gatherings.
It kinda doesn't sound like you're very wildly in love with your girlfriend, though. So if you're not, then by all means go your own way.
This post was edited on 12/23/21 at 10:38 am
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:37 am to MoisterOyster
quote:
i just think they want me to dump her and move back home
How about stop thinking why they don't like her and ask your family? Call each of them individually and ask them to be honest and genuine with you. If you're trying to figure things out you should try to figure out how to solve life problems with adult conversations, sometimes hearing shite you don't like, and not just asking social media.
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:37 am to MoisterOyster
I found the key is to wait for wife and kids until you are in your mid-30s..at that point your mom won't give a frick what you bring home. she will be desperate for you to pop out grandkids with anyone before she dies
y'all just hold out another 10 years and she will be asking when you 2 are finally going to get married already
y'all just hold out another 10 years and she will be asking when you 2 are finally going to get married already
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:40 am to bayoudude
quote:
If the family doesn’t like her it will never get better. Especially once kids are involved. Be prepared for a lifetime of misery amplified by any holiday
My family wasn't a big fan of my wife at first, but that's just because my wife is very shy and quiet around new people and my family took that as her being stuck up or unfriendly.
My wife is one of the nicest, sweetest, most selfless, and generous people I've ever met; she's just a good person and woman all around and a lot of those qualities have rubbed off on me over time, making me a much better person than I was.
It took a while, several family gatherings and events, etc, for my family to warm up to her and vise-versa. Now she talks to my mom, grandmas, and aunt more often than I do and I'm pretty sure they like her more than they like me.
If your SO shows that she has your best interest at heart and makes you a better person over time, your family will absolutely grow to like and love her. It won't always be like the new stage where they're trying to get a feel for her that OP is talking about
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:41 am to fr33manator
quote:
Probably means she’s well endowed and nicer looking than your female relatives
This is definitely what I am getting from everything he's said so far.
This post was edited on 12/23/21 at 10:42 am
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:44 am to LSUfan4444
If your mom was overprotective with you growing up, this sounds like she doesn't like being replaced. If that's the case and you really think this is girl is the one, you need to exclude mom from life decisions that should only include the two of you.
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:52 am to MoisterOyster
Why don’t they approve? You have to tell us.
Oh and pics of course
Oh and pics of course
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:55 am to MoisterOyster
quote:
part of my family doesn’t like her. But she really likes them
If they don’t like her because she’s stealing shite or something like that, leave her.
If they don’t like her because of her personality, it’s their problem. Live your life. Be happy if you want.
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:55 am to TygerTyger
quote:
ell me you have a shitty relationship with your parents without telling me.
I actually have an amazing relationship with my mother, can't wait to visit her this holiday season...but when I left home I left. I am making decision for me and my family now...no one else..to me that's part of adulthood. I'm thankful that my mother molded me into the man I am, but I can't imagine needing to change a life choice because she didn't approve
Posted on 12/23/21 at 10:55 am to jcaz
Not to sure I’m gonna ask them though
Posted on 12/23/21 at 11:00 am to MoisterOyster
quote:
Not to sure I’m gonna ask them though
Ok, punctuation would really help this sentence.
It sounds like you are deciding not to ask why they do not like her.
Posted on 12/23/21 at 11:09 am to chryso
Ya that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Posted on 12/23/21 at 11:14 am to LouisianaLady
Everything you said….yes!
Posted on 12/23/21 at 11:14 am to chryso
quote:
It sounds like you are deciding not to ask why they do not like her.
I gave up on this guy.
Posted on 12/23/21 at 11:15 am to BrohemAlem11
quote:
I actually have an amazing relationship with my mother, can't wait to visit her this holiday season...but when I left home I left. I am making decision for me and my family now...no one else..to me that's part of adulthood. I'm thankful that my mother molded me into the man I am, but I can't imagine needing to change a life choice because she didn't approve
So, if she came to you in all earnest and love, and calmly expressed some concerns about an upcoming life choice you were making, would you at least listen to her? Or would you completely disregard her thoughts? Part of being a grown man (adulthood) is having an open mind and listening to those around you that you trust and that love you.
And pay attention, I said "listen to" not "obey".
From "IF" by Rudyard Kipling:
quote:
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
quote:
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
I'm just saying, if my parents expressed concerns, I'd hear them out respectfully. Based on what they said, and a LOT of other factors, I'd make my decision. But to just ignore or discount their concerns completely won't turn out good for your relationship no matter what.
They brought you in to this world, sacrificed a lot to raise you. Maybe give them the courtesy of listening to their side.
Posted on 12/23/21 at 11:15 am to RazorBroncs
quote:
My family wasn't a big fan of my wife at first,
Same here. Why? You ask?
It's simply because my wife grew up Catholic. My family grew up Baptist.
"Convert her" my mom told me. I never passed along that information.
We did end up joining a Methodist church, which I think objectively was a good mix of the 2.
Ironic thing is now after all these years, my 2 sisters married good "Baptist" boys and they're both divorced, whereas me and my Catholic wife are still married.
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