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Message
re: Just got served divorce papers today
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:50 am to CadesCove
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:50 am to CadesCove
To OP:
I'll just say this...if you were on the outs and you were realizing you both weren't happy, in the long run it's a blessing. That's not to say you have anything bad to say about her ever, but for your happiness it's okay man...just let that go. You'll be just fine as long as you make the kids #1. Happy parents that are apart are better than sad, grumpy parents that are together.
I'll just say this...if you were on the outs and you were realizing you both weren't happy, in the long run it's a blessing. That's not to say you have anything bad to say about her ever, but for your happiness it's okay man...just let that go. You'll be just fine as long as you make the kids #1. Happy parents that are apart are better than sad, grumpy parents that are together.
This post was edited on 7/14/15 at 8:51 am
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:50 am to yellowfin
quote:
This is the problem I have with the "she's definitely cheating" crowd....who wants to frick a menopausal chick with 7 kids?
probably lots of male options out there, because she's married, she's unobtainable. guys like being wanted by someone who shouldn't be wanting you. makes us feel better and boosts us. The second this chick is free of marital ties, is the second the dudes will say frick this shite, i'm outtie.
and holy crap, the amount of people giving divorce advice at 4-5 am is unbelievable.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:52 am to yellowfin
quote:
who wants to frick a menopausal chick with 7 kids?
:raiseshand:
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:52 am to Mid Iowa Tiger
quote:
Been in counseling for 18 months. Every time the focus get too hot on her she decides to either change or has "scheduling" issues.
Dude, this sounds so much like my ex-wife it is ridiculous. although i didn't go through 18 months of counseling that she didn't give a frick about.
Like someone else said, document everything!!! shite is about to get nasty. She is wanting out and nothing is going to stop her. After it is done you should see a counselor by yourself to keep your head screwed on straight because your reality is about to change.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:52 am to Chad504boy
quote:
and holy crap, the amount of people giving divorce advice at 4-5 am is unbelievable.
Great time to serve papers. People are generally home.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:53 am to Mid Iowa Tiger
I realize this is not the OT way, but be the guy who is above reproach. Treat her fairly, always be honest, and do everything for your kids. A nasty battle over custody will just hurt them. Do everything you can to spend as much time with them as you can. In the end, they will be better for it. Good luck.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:53 am to Mid Iowa Tiger
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:54 am to Chad504boy
quote:
This is the problem I have with the "she's definitely cheating" crowd....who wants to frick a menopausal chick with 7 kids?
Most single guys will frick anything that moves. I doubt OP's wife will have any trouble getting laid
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:56 am to Mid Iowa Tiger
quote:
Says she is afraid of me and I bully her.
Yeah that is her cop out for not wanting to say that she found someone else. That sucks. I feel for you bro. Hang tough. Kids are more important than she is.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:57 am to MasCervezas
quote:
that really sucks man, but the stigma of the ill effects of divorce on kids is overdramatized IMO. Sure there are going to be some tough spots but just be up front with them as much as you can and make sure they know it has nothing to do with them.
It's pretty terrible on kids. And good luck convincing them that their family breaking apart "has nothing to do with them."
Sometimes, it probably is unavoidable. Other times less so. How often have you heard of divorce, even where there wasn't cheating, because one or both spouses felt they deserved more or better or were being held back.
That stuff is fine, I suppose, when you don't have kids. I have a close friend going through that now, and they'll reboot and be alright. But when you have a family, this whole "I want to pursue an untethered life" shite is pathetic.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:57 am to Mid Iowa Tiger
quote:
We have been having struggles with a lot of stuff and almost everything I say I bullying or mean or ugly.
Maybe the problem isn't you
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:57 am to Mid Iowa Tiger
Just went through it last year myself so I feel your pain. I tried for 3 years to save my marriage but really not sure most woman really want that anymore. They get caught up on social media and how good everyone else has it and lose focus on what is important. Re living their 20's again one last time and don't be surprised when you find out there was someone else she was interested in the entire time. Your kids will adapt and be fine as long as both of you are adults about it. Hardest thing for me is to see another man in my place at her house spending time with my kids. Other than that I am glad it's over.
After a little while you will realize it was probably for the best as I have found out. I do not miss being married to my ex at all because I have found out now what it is like to be treated really well by someone else.
Good Luck
After a little while you will realize it was probably for the best as I have found out. I do not miss being married to my ex at all because I have found out now what it is like to be treated really well by someone else.
Good Luck
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:58 am to cajunangelle
That place sounds like a crock.
Yeah, I want to learn how to communicate with my wife in the real world from a celibate Priest
quote:
What Happens During a Retrouvaille Program? During the weekend phase, a team of three couples and a priest or three couples and a Christian minister & spouse give a series of presentations. The weekend is not a spiritual retreat, not a marriage encounter or marriage seminar although it does have characteristics of each of these and much more. You will, however, be encouraged to put the past behind you and start rediscovering each other. The team presents a technique of communication that enables you to take a good look at most areas of your relationship. The team does not provide marriage advice. The team provides practical tools for improving your marriage. They will share how they were able to benefit from these techniques themselves. After each presentation you will have a chance to reflect on it by yourself, then discuss it in complete privacy with your spouse.
Yeah, I want to learn how to communicate with my wife in the real world from a celibate Priest
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:58 am to Mung
quote:
I realize this is not the OT way, but be the guy who is above reproach. Treat her fairly, always be honest, and do everything for your kids. A nasty battle over custody will just hurt them. Do everything you can to spend as much time with them as you can. In the end, they will be better for it. Good luck.
As will he.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:58 am to Pettifogger
quote:
It's pretty terrible on kids. And good luck convincing them that their family breaking apart "has nothing to do with them."
it wasn't on me or my siblings. I know lots of others who were relatively unaffected.
I know that it varies though
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:59 am to Pettifogger
quote:
But when you have a family, this whole "I want to pursue an untethered life" shite is pathetic.
Probably a product of getting married too young + social media
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:59 am to TheOcean
I've seen the Ole emotional abuse card being thrown out way too many times by women who have already decided to move on...they know they have no leg to stand on...they know they are either full blown seeing someone else or having an emotional affair and they have to somehow rationalize their selfishness...I wish judges would make stiffer penalties for people filing for divorce where there is no clear infidelity or physical abuse. She should be the one paying him.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 8:59 am to Mid Iowa Tiger
move in next door your kids would still see ya everyday!
Sorry sir
Sorry sir
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:00 am to TheOcean
Being able to maintain composure in a stressful situation and being able to sit down and make a plan for the future are unrelated. Irrational but able to plan to get what they want is exactly what I expect from a mad woman.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:00 am to Salmon
quote:
is that because women have less loyalty or because men know they generally get fricked in divorces?
Could be both. I've already said that society provides incentives for women to get divorced.
quote:
that is just biology, women are designed to crave security
Yes, men and women are different. I'm glad you agree.
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