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Message
re: Just got served divorce papers today
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:43 am to More beer please
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:43 am to More beer please
quote:Let him take one step at a time at fixing things. Let's not jump to the rest of his life
So he should spend the rest of his life trying? Come on dude
Most people told me to give up once. I didn't. My wife has thanked me many times for not giving up.
Sometimes you have to protect your spouse for herself/himself.
0
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:43 am to arcalades
quote:
No Bengal, you are wrong, that is exactly what he should do. Tell her whatever she wants to hear. it worked for me and can work for him. That is what's best for everyone. It might not be ideal, but it is practical and effective.
What's her part in all of this? To just sit back and judge whether his efforts are worthy?
It absolutely takes two to wreck a marriage, just like it takes two to save one.
This post was edited on 7/14/15 at 9:44 am
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:44 am to arcalades
WE GET IT. YOU SAVED YOUR MARRIAGE BY LOSING YOUR BALLS.
Congratulations. You, sir, are in the minority.
Congratulations. You, sir, are in the minority.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:44 am to arcalades
quote:
That doesn't mean she doesn't want it to work. You are limiting your thinking. Even if she thinks she's 100% done, that doesn't mean he can't work it out.
Why are you giving such crappy advice in a situation you have no idea about, you have no idea how big of an a-hole he may have been or if he has been busting his arse for years to resolve their differences.
You suggested manipulating and faking it to make the marriage 'work', I cant imagine there could be worse advice.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:44 am to More beer please
quote:
I disagree with his idea that every marriage can be saved and all the man has to do is get on his hands and knees, beg, manipulate, or whatever for "the sake of the kids".
Totally agree. I don't think fighting for the marriage is the same thing. Or at least it doesn't have to be that way.
quote:
If I watched my dad act the way this guy suggests I would be embarrassed.
I think some of his words may be misplaced, but in general I think you might be missing what he is suggesting (or at least the bottom line).
I know for a fact my kids appreciate the fact that I tried hard to save the family as a unit. It didn't work for me, but in the end, they respect and love me, and they respect and love their mom even though they disagree with what she did.
Filing the papers doesn't have to mean the end. Sometimes it does. I understand that more than most.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:45 am to Salmon
quote:Which means there is still hope. Why give up. Why don't we all get behind him and encourage him to give it his all. First, he may just have to tell her what she want to hear. Women always fall for the lines. He can use that. Later, they can work at making the marriage what it should be.
well neither do you
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:46 am to Prominentwon
quote:
Who's to say that the OP is a complete prick IRL? I can't buy into this woe is me shtick because you never know the parts he's leaving out.
Hardcore Catholic. Seven kids. Married twenty three years. I would bet plenty of money that OP is a type A, patriarchal, controlling, old fashioned type of person. There is much more to this story than meets the eye. I'm sure the wife has here issues as well because it always takes two in these scenarios. But, as an earlier poster said, she is probably worn out from the seven kids and felt trapped without any personal freedom. So she went off the reservation for a little relief and fantasy relationship. No doubt someone else is in the picture. Probably started as a sympathetic ear.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:47 am to genuineLSUtiger
quote:
Hardcore Catholic.
Problem #1
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:47 am to arcalades
quote:
work on their marriage and never give up
Don't judge bro. The OP said that they have been to counseling but when the focus shifts to her she changes the subject. My .02 this woman is scorned and has found someone else. On this board most posters that have encountered divorce it has been the woman has wanted it. You cant make her stay married so time to move on and take care of the kids. Don't judge everyone has different circumstances.
This post was edited on 7/14/15 at 9:50 am
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:47 am to CadesCove
Take a good hard look at yourself and examine critically if she is right or not - if she is, then fix it. If she isn't, then get out and don't let yourself get screwed by her or the lawyers in the deal - remember they profit from dragging that shite out. If you break up, be the best divorced dad you can be, and watch what you say around the kids regarding the spouse. Someone said be humble, that's good advice - you can do that without capitulating yourself.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:48 am to Tigertown in ATL
quote:
I know for a fact my kids appreciate the fact that I tried hard to save the family as a unit. It didn't work for me, but in the end, they respect and love me, and they respect and love their mom even though they disagree with what she did.
And my wife thanks her dad constantly for ending his marriage even though her and her brother were extremely young. He got full custody and raised them almost their whole lives. He is far from perfect but not every situation can be saved by foolishly begging your wife to stay with you for "the sake of the kids".
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:48 am to Salmon
Next step seems pretty simple to me. You calmly ask her to sit down and have a talk. You calmly and quietly ask her if she is 100% sure she wants the divorce. If she says yes, you ask her if there is anything at all you can do to change her mind. If she says no, you have no choice but to prepare and protect yourself from that moment on for divorce and its repercussions.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:48 am to TigerHam85
quote:Attack me personally bc you lack understanding. Well done. Ad Hominem is always a sign that you can't discuss/debate very well.
WE GET IT. YOU SAVED YOUR MARRIAGE BY LOSING YOUR BALLS.
Congratulations. You, sir, are in the minority.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:48 am to Mid Iowa Tiger
Don't let pride get in the way. If you think it's worth fighting for, start fighting now. If you don't then find a great atty and work on getting 50/50 custody and reducing child support as much as possible.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:48 am to TigerHam85
At least arkalades gets to frick his wife once every nine months
This post was edited on 7/14/15 at 9:49 am
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:48 am to TigerHam85
quote:
TigerHam85
Man, when did you become so mean spirited? You have such good input in the F&D Board.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:48 am to arcalades
quote:
she was the one that served the divorce papers
quote:
That doesn't mean she doesn't want it to work.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:49 am to TigerHam85
quote:
by TigerHam85
WE GET IT. YOU SAVED YOUR MARRIAGE BY LOSING YOUR BALLS.
Balls = not acting on base impulses. Got it.
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:49 am to arcalades
quote:
First, he may just have to tell her what she want to hear.
You don't think he is doing that? It sounds to me like he has/is fighting for his marriage and for some time now.
At what point do you think it is ok to say "you know what, frick it, you're being unreasonable, I tried, I failed, lets end this"
never?
Posted on 7/14/15 at 9:49 am to marinebioman
quote:
Next step seems pretty simple to me. You calmly ask her to sit down and have a talk. You calmly and quietly ask her if she is 100% sure she wants the divorce. If she says yes, you ask her if there is anything at all you can do to change her mind. If she says no, you have no choice but to prepare and protect yourself from that moment on for divorce and its repercussions.
/thread
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