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Message
re: married men with female friends- possible??
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:47 pm to Darth_Vader
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:47 pm to Darth_Vader
quote:
I have a wife so I don’t need any female friends.
There's a key difference to me. Exclusively. Shared friends are completely normal as long as the conversations don't cross lines, like topics about sex and other topics that would be reserved for your wife.
I feel like I'm reading two different topics being covered in this thread.
1
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:47 pm to lsu777
quote:
yea im dumb af yet i have a much harder degree than you and work in a field where usually the more intelligent work
You’re a civil engineer in a plant. Don’t give yourself too much credit
And you couldn’t even hack that at first. You had to be a wrench turner for years
This post was edited on 12/27/24 at 1:48 pm
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:49 pm to BluegrassBelle
quote:
I mean I have a good male friend I’ve known for 20+ years who is a stats guy for UK and just today we discussed Pope’s use of the 1-3-1 on defense.
I feel a little attacked here.
ok well how many females you think can tell you what a 3-3-5 stack defense is, much less why its good or bad
take the W and understand you are the exception i guess
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:49 pm to JiminyCricket
quote:
Many affairs that have happened on work trips start during downtime at the hotel bar.
Yep, my tried and true equation.
Distance + Alcohol + Attention + Opportunity + Attractiveness = Imminent Infidelity
It doesn't take all of the above either to happen, just a few and it's off to the races!
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:50 pm to lsu777
quote:
ok well how many females you think can tell you what a 3-3-5 stack defense is, much less why its good or bad take the W and understand you are the exception i guess
Damn you’re retarded
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:51 pm to Mingo Was His NameO
quote:
You’re a civil engineer in a plant. Don’t give yourself too much credit
And you couldn’t even hack that at first. You had to be a wrench turner for years
yep....and wasnt that i couldnt hack it...i hacked it fine...as i said before i was in the reserves and getting called up all the time and was fricking around alot. going to work and then going back was best thing i could have doen
but yea i have a CE degree but i work as a PM on major capital and i have a minor in math.
but hey....im sure you are smarter than all of us here. just like on the H&F board...all 160 pounds of you
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:51 pm to lsu777
quote:
ok well how many females you think can tell you what a 3-3-5 stack defense is, much less why its good or bad
take the W and understand you are the exception i guess
I wont lie, she sounds sexy.
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:51 pm to Oates Mustache
Crazy part is it doesn’t even take a bad marriage as part of that equation. Sure, a shitty marriage can be a factor but many good marriages have blown up in large part due to the factors you listed.
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:51 pm to lsu777
quote:
but hey....im sure you are smarter than all of us here
Just you
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:51 pm to lsu777
I think the context has something to do with it. I have had male friends at work who were married but I never saw them outside of work. Something like that is possible.
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:53 pm to diat150
quote:
Id say there is no way a man can be friends with a woman and not want to bang unless she is totally gross.
I’ve had some very good platonic female friends. They were all utterly unsexy.
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:55 pm to LRB1967
quote:
I think the context has something to do with it. I have had male friends at work who were married but I never saw them outside of work. Something like that is possible.
yea not talking about that....talking you going to hang out with just them after work
co worker is totally normal
hanging in groups...totally normal
i feel like 2 totally different conversations are going on
but if you are a married man and just hanging out with a female friend(married or unmarried) you are in the wrong and askign for something to happen
i mean if a female friend both you and your wife know is coming in town and she ask yall to meet for lunch but your wife cant.....ok fine but like the guy above
calling a friend monthly he hasnt seen in over 5 years that is weird. or before she moved if he was married and he called her daily like he said...yea weird and all of that is asking for trouble
coworkers are fine....but if its a work trip....you better have boundaries. know how many affairs happened because of that.....drinking at the bar and then go back up???
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:57 pm to JiminyCricket
quote:
Respectfully, if she spends 2 hours hanging out at the mall or spends 2 hours having lunch, what's the difference?
You’re suggesting a lot of what if’s.
I’m just saying you don’t have to end friendships because of marriage. I’m not advocating that it is appropriate to hang out all the time or under questionable circumstances.
Just my opinion regarding OP and others who believe it is never appropriate to have friends of the opposite sex when married.
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:59 pm to JiminyCricket
quote:
Crazy part is it doesn’t even take a bad marriage as part of that equation. Sure, a shitty marriage can be a factor but many good marriages have blown up in large part due to the factors you listed.
Absolutely. Alcohol is a huge factor, it removes inhibitions and the little logical guy that sits on your shoulder, coaching you from the rights and wrongs.
Distance means no one will know, no one knows us here. Easy to hide it .
Attention is a tricky one, maybe they aren't getting enough at home. Even if that isn't the case, some new person flirting and carrying on how hot you look, etc. stirs up emotions you experience when you were single. Those are very strong emotions and remove logic.
Opportunity is where the "innocent flirting" comes in. Everyone knows what I'm talking about here.
Lastly, two attractive people are biologically programmed to want to have sex. Alcohol is where the logical little shoulder man gets killed and lust takes over.
It's science!
Posted on 12/27/24 at 1:59 pm to cyarrr
quote:
You’re suggesting a lot of what if’s.
I’m just saying you don’t have to end friendships because of marriage. I’m not advocating that it is appropriate to hang out all the time or under questionable circumstances.
Just my opinion regarding OP and others who believe it is never appropriate to have friends of the opposite sex when married.
so you would be cool with your wife hanging out with some dude she knew from high school just the two once or twice a month?
Posted on 12/27/24 at 2:00 pm to Oates Mustache
quote:
Absolutely. Alcohol is a huge factor, it removes inhibitions and the little logical guy that sits on your shoulder, coaching you from the rights and wrongs.
Distance means no one will know, no one knows us here. Easy to hide it .
Attention is a tricky one, maybe they aren't getting enough at home. Even if that isn't the case, some new person flirting and carrying on how hot you look, etc. stirs up emotions you experience when you were single. Those are very strong emotions and remove logic.
Opportunity is where the "innocent flirting" comes in. Everyone knows what I'm talking about here.
Lastly, two attractive people are biologically programmed to want to have sex. Alcohol is where the logical little shoulder man gets killed and lust takes over.
It's science!
no man....the men of the ot say its fine...its perfectly fine...this kind of stuff never happens
Posted on 12/27/24 at 2:02 pm to lsu777
quote:
ok well how many females you think can tell you what a 3-3-5 stack defense is, much less why its good or bad take the W and understand you are the exception i guess
I know some.
In all seriousness, my larger point was that there are things men and women can discuss in platonic relationships.
Everybody has different relationship boundaries and it’s largely based on trust between each other. Both me and my SO have long time friends of the opposite sex that pre-dated our relationship (we didn’t get together until our 30s) that we both talk to. But as a general rule of thumb we don’t hang out with unless we’re doing so as a group or together. With some rare exceptions.
This post was edited on 12/27/24 at 2:03 pm
Posted on 12/27/24 at 2:05 pm to JiminyCricket
quote:
Travelling for work with women isn't necessarily a complete no-go but does require boundaries. Separate rooms, non adjoining, etc. Gotta have great boundaries outside of sleeping arrangements too. Many affairs that have happened on work trips start during downtime at the hotel bar.
I own a Nintendo switch and still have my steam account for this exact reason. When I travel on business, if there is downtime I am either working on office stuff or I am in my hotel room playing video games. I don’t drink and I don’t hang out at the bars unless my wife is there with me. Why even put yourself in a bad situation? I don’t go to bars alone on trips for the same reason I don’t hang out in New Orleans East on my downtime. There’s no scenario where the possible good outweighs the risk. Not one.
Posted on 12/27/24 at 2:09 pm to lsu777
quote:
calling a friend monthly he hasnt seen in over 5 years that is weird. or before she moved if he was married and he called her daily like he said...yea weird and all of that is asking for trouble
A. We worked together on the same team up until the end of last year
B. I’m not the one calling her 95% of the time
C. Asking for trouble? Obviously not, I haven’t seen her in 5 years and there is no attraction there.
You’re imagining this is something that’s it’s just not, she’s essentially like a relative to me.
Posted on 12/27/24 at 2:12 pm to lsu777
quote:
so you would be cool with your wife hanging out with some dude she knew from high school just the two once or twice a month?
Probably not, but she wouldn’t do that and neither would I.
You and others here believe it is inappropriate under any circumstance to have a female friend after marriage.
Respectfully, I disagree. I’ve explained my position ad nauseam.
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