I will strive to keep this brief although I am pissed and it may go a bit long.

I tried out Provisions right after it opened because it looks nice and is right by my house. Decent apps and good drinks but... the drink prices are insane. Enough so that it steered me away after going twice because I wanted so badly to like the place. Think $14 for a Makers Manhattan expensive.

Saw a sign out by the street Tuesday. “New Happy Hour! 4-7 $5 drafts, wine, cocktails”. Hot damn! I am in! Finally a nice place for an after work drink walking distance from the house. So I prop up yesterday at the corner of the bar and a foot from my left elbow PAINTED ON THE WALL is a sign that says Happy Hour $5 drafts, wine, well cocktails.

The sign outside didn’t say Well Cocktails but I had expected that to be the case. No big deal. I ask about the well bourbon and it is something I have never heard of, and I drink bourbon so that is odd, but no big deal. I order an Old Fashion. Drink comes and is damn good but a bit sweet for my taste. I finish and ask for a bit less simple syrup in the next one. Bartender obliges and I get a damn good drink. I enjoy it while knocking out some work emails and cruising Tigerdroppings on my phone. It isn’t quite 7 yet and I am walking home so what the hell? I have a third and wrap things up. I ask for the bill.

Bill comes and it is $29! WTH? I ask and bartender says “yeah, I forgot to put that third drink in During Happy Hour. Do you want me to fix it? Yes I do. He brings bill back and it is $25. Double WTH? I look at detail bill and it indicates three Happy Hour cocktails at $5 plus three “well” at $2 each.

I start to ask for an explanation and bartender cuts me off, rudely, and says “Hey I just work here do you want me to get the manager?” Yes, yes I do. Manager comes over and I hold up the ticket and point at the sign on the wall. I then pre-emptively state “whatever you do, don’t tell me an old fashion isn’t a cocktail.” And here it comes.

Manager says “I know but the Happy Hour only applies to MIXED DRINKS.” Huh??? He goes on to explain that, despite the signs by the street and the sign PAINTED ON THE WALL that say “cocktails” the Happy Hour actually only applies to Mixed Drinks which they define as drinks having no more than two ingredients. Like a rum and coke or crown and 7. The ridiculousness of this doesn’t seem to phase him in the least.

The two fold kicker to this story is:

1. The Manager admits that multiple people have taken issue with this since they started the new Happy Hour policy and management has not done anything about it. Even though he recognizes it is an issue. I point out that he is “management” and maybe he should talk to the Owners. He had no answer to that. I ask further if he thinks this policy is sustainable or does he think that I will be coming back? He just mumbled and then...

2. Guy actually asks me if I want him to “take the charges off the bill”? Damn right I do. He then comes back and says “I fixed this for you” as if he was doing me a favor. This is the point where I finally got pissed. Without being an arse or raising my voice I told him that he needed to stop acting like he was doing me a favor. They advertised a price for a product, I consumed the product and was willing to pay the advertised price. They then tried to force me to pay an entirely different price.

I dropped $22 cash on the bar and walked out. I won’t be back. Ever.