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Started By
Message
re: Can one become less social without being an arse?
Posted on 1/14/26 at 7:21 pm to TexasTiger08
Posted on 1/14/26 at 7:21 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
How are you doing buddy?
My life is great. Clean bill of health, beautiful and healthy daughters, roof over my head, great job, and I've found peace through acceptance.
Glad to hear you are moving on as well! Continue focusing on the now, and don't allow tomorrow or the past fill your idle thoughts with things you can't control or predict.
0
Posted on 1/14/26 at 7:30 pm to Trough Urinal
You need more cases of imaginary stomach virus/food poisoning. No one argues you should come anyway. May have to get the wife on board though.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 7:45 pm to madamsquirrel
quote:
Can one become less social without being an arse?
This post was edited on 1/14/26 at 7:47 pm
Posted on 1/14/26 at 7:49 pm to Bayou
OP you and I are exactly alike. Something has gotta give. I dont need a lot of personal time but I do need some.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 7:59 pm to Trough Urinal
It’s literally as easy as saying no. You don’t owe anyone an excuse. Just say no.
If I had a friend or family member just tell me no, I’d appreciate that a lot more than some clearly bullshite excuse. You’re talking about people who love you…if you can’t be honest with them then are you being honest with anyone in your life?
If I had a friend or family member just tell me no, I’d appreciate that a lot more than some clearly bullshite excuse. You’re talking about people who love you…if you can’t be honest with them then are you being honest with anyone in your life?
Posted on 1/14/26 at 8:01 pm to Trough Urinal
Sometimes “Unfortunately, I cannot make xyz event. I have personal priority that day.” is the way.
And it’s ok. Respectfully decline / balance have to’s and want to’s.
And it’s ok. Respectfully decline / balance have to’s and want to’s.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 8:05 pm to Trough Urinal
You don’t need better excuses or lies. Just stop doing it and feeling obligated to be somewhere you don’t want to be. There’s an excellent chance you’re not the only one that needs to step back.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 8:11 pm to Trough Urinal
Fake cancer.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 8:19 pm to Trough Urinal
Im very lucky to have a wife that understands when I need to reset and dip on extended family events.
There is no benefit to saying yes to everyone at the detriment of yourself
There is no benefit to saying yes to everyone at the detriment of yourself
Posted on 1/14/26 at 8:28 pm to Trough Urinal
quote:
I feel bad for my friend, but my advice is never taken anyway. I’m basically there to be a sounding board because his ex girlfriend was a bipolar cheater. Do I really need to be there for cousin John’s birthday celebration? Can I not just chill with dog at home and have a beer and not get backlash?
Just tell them no, you’re exhausted and need some time to yourself. Because that’s the truth.
If that’s a problem for them, then they don’t care about you, they just care about you being some kind of ornament in their own lives.
Running yourself ragged trying to appease those kinds of people is going to make you resent them. Better to feel guilt than resentment and over time, you won’t even feel guilty anymore.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 8:30 pm to Trough Urinal
I'm on the same boat but I just say if I don't want to go then I'm not going.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 8:40 pm to Trough Urinal
quote:
Can one become less social without being an arse?
Tell them you got Covid.
When they say "you had Covid last month."
Tell them "it's long Covid."
Posted on 1/14/26 at 8:50 pm to madamsquirrel
Food poisoning is a good one, but you have to be careful how you use it. Its not one you can throw around often.
The stomach virus is good as a spur of the moment excuse. "Last night my stomach started feeling uneasy and got worse from there. No telling what these kids brought home for me to catch".
Someone told me his go to is "got hold of some bad oysters last night". Its just something you have to ride out. Good for a Friday when you have the weekend to "recover".
The stomach virus is good as a spur of the moment excuse. "Last night my stomach started feeling uneasy and got worse from there. No telling what these kids brought home for me to catch".
Someone told me his go to is "got hold of some bad oysters last night". Its just something you have to ride out. Good for a Friday when you have the weekend to "recover".
Posted on 1/14/26 at 8:52 pm to Trough Urinal
I’m also in sales. People that are not in sales will never understand how tired you get from talking business and putting on your sales game face all week long.
And putting on a fake face with family is just as tiring since you have been doing it all week.
I’ve learned that the first few times you turn down a family get together they get upset, but the longer you do it they drop their expectations of you being there. It sucks but it’s the truth.
Sundays are my decompression days, I’ll be damned if I go be miserable at some random cousins kids birthday party at the trampoline park!
And putting on a fake face with family is just as tiring since you have been doing it all week.
I’ve learned that the first few times you turn down a family get together they get upset, but the longer you do it they drop their expectations of you being there. It sucks but it’s the truth.
Sundays are my decompression days, I’ll be damned if I go be miserable at some random cousins kids birthday party at the trampoline park!
Posted on 1/14/26 at 10:25 pm to Trough Urinal
quote:It’s your friend, sounds like a good time. Go to this.
I have one friend who is still hung up on a relationship that ended three years ago, and he frequently wants to hang out because he needs some social therapy. I get it.
quote:Don’t go to this. Seems lame.
the in-laws are having a family dinner because the second cousin happens to be in town.
quote:You probably don’t see her much, go to this.
They my sister makes a rare trip in town, and my folks want to have a family dinner.
quote:Don’t go to this unless you think it’ll be fun.
Then it’s time for someone’s birthday. There’s always a birthday.
My $0.02, now leave a tip. $10, $20, or $40. There’s no option for “Other”. Thanks
Posted on 1/14/26 at 10:53 pm to Trough Urinal
I’m in sales too, you need a couple kids they’re like built in excuse providers. I can’t because my kid isn’t feeling well, my kid has some sports, my kids has some school thing…etc.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 11:03 pm to Trough Urinal
No, but I did it anyway.
Posted on 1/14/26 at 11:07 pm to Trough Urinal
my wife used to work with a guy named Al
great guy, good colleague, did his job well, friendly, fun to be around - but he had one peculiar habit: he never said “no” to any invitation, always “yeah, sounds like a blast, count me in “
and then he just wouldn’t show up
we all got used to it eventually, “oh, Al said he was coming but he never does” and we’d just laugh it off
he used to explain his absences with some lame after-the-fact excuse, but eventually didn’t even bother
we all forgave him, because he was such a good friend and co-worker in every other sense
it worked for Al, maybe it would work for you
great guy, good colleague, did his job well, friendly, fun to be around - but he had one peculiar habit: he never said “no” to any invitation, always “yeah, sounds like a blast, count me in “
and then he just wouldn’t show up
we all got used to it eventually, “oh, Al said he was coming but he never does” and we’d just laugh it off
he used to explain his absences with some lame after-the-fact excuse, but eventually didn’t even bother
we all forgave him, because he was such a good friend and co-worker in every other sense
it worked for Al, maybe it would work for you
Posted on 1/15/26 at 8:36 am to Trough Urinal
I had to get cross ways with my parents about abusing my time. They own several rental properties and every weekend it was one emergency or another at their rental property or at their house. I ended up telling my mom that I could make a full time job out of managing their properties and I have no time of my own. Her rent needs to account for repair work or they can't really afford to have rental properties.
I work 5 days a week at my job then my two days off were spent working for them. She hasn't had a job in 30 years and acts like those of us with jobs just sit around and do nothing all day every day and we should be ready to do charity work in our spare time. It was a rough couple of years after that but we are good now. I really don't mind using my time to help my parents or anyone really, but it got to the point where it was just abuse and really not appreciated.
I work 5 days a week at my job then my two days off were spent working for them. She hasn't had a job in 30 years and acts like those of us with jobs just sit around and do nothing all day every day and we should be ready to do charity work in our spare time. It was a rough couple of years after that but we are good now. I really don't mind using my time to help my parents or anyone really, but it got to the point where it was just abuse and really not appreciated.
Posted on 1/15/26 at 8:53 am to Trough Urinal
I was in sales until I retired last year
Towards the end I just politely declined. I appreciated the invitations etc it was very thoughtful
Towards the end I just politely declined. I appreciated the invitations etc it was very thoughtful
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