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Message
re: Dealing with family/loved one with a mental illness--Update Page 11
Posted on 10/13/19 at 9:09 am to BR Tiger
Posted on 10/13/19 at 9:09 am to BR Tiger
Thank you so much for your reply.
I couldn't sleep so I'm up now. It's almost 7 am my time. I'll wait until 8-9 am to page his psychiatrist and tell him what is going on.
And my dad is having delusions, been having them all week. Mid week he really thought that my mom, brother, and sister all lost their jobs. Like you couldn't tell him otherwise, they were all unemployed now (even though my brother was actually at work when he was freaking out over that). Yesterday he kept saying they are all stranded and things are really bad.
There is certainly a theme to his delusions. He has been saying since I moved him here in Nov 2016 that they are not gonna make it out here in AZ. That they should have stayed in BR. Before he was being delusional the things he would obsess worry over were related to not having enough food in the house, the van not working properly, etc. Taking care of basic needs. Then it became more about his physical symptoms (him feeling weak all the time, chest tightness). He's already seen a cardiologist a few times who has said his heart is fine and the chest tightness is from his anxiety.
What makes matters more challenging is the past 2 years we have been trying to encourage him to do stuff that will help his anxiety. Exercise (in the limited way he can considering he can't walk far). I bought him one of those pedal things you stick at your feet. Figured he could sit on the couch and watch tv and at least pedal...build up some strength in his legs/muscles and distract him. He won't do it. Tried setting him up with a therapist to go see but he only went to a few sessions and refused to go back. Got my family hooked up with the local senior center like 10 minutes from their house where they can all go(even my adult siblings) and play bingo or use the gym there or go have a hot meal for like $2 cause I figured it would be good for him to get out of the house. They went a couple times but that all stopped once he stopped driving completely. Any of the standard stuff (besides meds) that would help someone with anxiety he doesn't want to do and says "that ain't gonna help". Just very negative alllll the time and very stubborn.
Used my dad's insurance website (he has medicare but managed through that AARP United Healthcare thing) to find a provider closest to where they live. At the time my dad was still driving so I needed a doctor he could easily drive to and that wasn't too too far from them.
I couldn't sleep so I'm up now. It's almost 7 am my time. I'll wait until 8-9 am to page his psychiatrist and tell him what is going on.
And my dad is having delusions, been having them all week. Mid week he really thought that my mom, brother, and sister all lost their jobs. Like you couldn't tell him otherwise, they were all unemployed now (even though my brother was actually at work when he was freaking out over that). Yesterday he kept saying they are all stranded and things are really bad.
There is certainly a theme to his delusions. He has been saying since I moved him here in Nov 2016 that they are not gonna make it out here in AZ. That they should have stayed in BR. Before he was being delusional the things he would obsess worry over were related to not having enough food in the house, the van not working properly, etc. Taking care of basic needs. Then it became more about his physical symptoms (him feeling weak all the time, chest tightness). He's already seen a cardiologist a few times who has said his heart is fine and the chest tightness is from his anxiety.
What makes matters more challenging is the past 2 years we have been trying to encourage him to do stuff that will help his anxiety. Exercise (in the limited way he can considering he can't walk far). I bought him one of those pedal things you stick at your feet. Figured he could sit on the couch and watch tv and at least pedal...build up some strength in his legs/muscles and distract him. He won't do it. Tried setting him up with a therapist to go see but he only went to a few sessions and refused to go back. Got my family hooked up with the local senior center like 10 minutes from their house where they can all go(even my adult siblings) and play bingo or use the gym there or go have a hot meal for like $2 cause I figured it would be good for him to get out of the house. They went a couple times but that all stopped once he stopped driving completely. Any of the standard stuff (besides meds) that would help someone with anxiety he doesn't want to do and says "that ain't gonna help". Just very negative alllll the time and very stubborn.
quote:
How did you find the doctor? Is he a Geri-psych specialist?
Used my dad's insurance website (he has medicare but managed through that AARP United Healthcare thing) to find a provider closest to where they live. At the time my dad was still driving so I needed a doctor he could easily drive to and that wasn't too too far from them.
1
Posted on 10/13/19 at 9:32 am to cajunangelle
God I hope it's not that. Both of my grandparents (mother's side) had that and it was brutal before they passed away. My grandfather passed first and several months after he died...my grandmother started showing symptoms and she died almost 2 years to the day that my grandfather died. She was a nurse and it's like her brain just let go once she didn't have someone else to take care of anymore.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 9:35 am to cajunangelle
I just unblocked my dad's number since I'm awake. I had blocked it on my phone last night and figured I would leave it blocked so I could sleep some. I swear my phone now feels like I'm holding a ticking bomb sometimes in regards to all this.
When I see my dad or mom or siblings calling I just instantly feel this huge sense of dread like what is wrong now.
When I see my dad or mom or siblings calling I just instantly feel this huge sense of dread like what is wrong now.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 9:45 am to lsunurse
I’m sry to hear of your troubles. I too , have a family member with serious mental issues. I do not know what area you live, I’d highly recommend looking into your local NAMI chapter. I live in Lafayette, we have a very active chapter. I hear north shore has an even better one. They have peer-to-peer support groups meets regular , also a family members-2-family members support group. Very good info and help from others that have traveled this rough journey. Plus NAMI website has tons of resources and info.
My prayers are with you , your father , and the rest of your family.
My prayers are with you , your father , and the rest of your family.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 9:48 am to lsunurse
People say I'm no good, and crazy as a loon
'Cause I get stoned in the mornin', I get drunk in the afternoon
Kinda like my old blue tick hound, I like to lay around in the shade
And I ain't got no money, but I damn sure got it made
'Cause I get stoned in the mornin', I get drunk in the afternoon
Kinda like my old blue tick hound, I like to lay around in the shade
And I ain't got no money, but I damn sure got it made
Posted on 10/13/19 at 9:49 am to Krzy_Kjn
quote:
I do not know what area you live, I’d highly recommend looking into your local NAMI chapter.
I live in Scottsdale, AZ. I have looked on the NAMI site and there is a family support group about 15 minutes from me that meets twice a month. Actually meets again this Tuesday. I was thinking of going this week to just check it out.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 10:16 am to lsunurse
That sounds awful, I'm sorry you're dealing with that. My cousin is bipolar and schizophrenic, and he would never take his meds. He's very violent. She had no choice but to give up on him. He's in prison now, after beating up a bus driver.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 10:33 am to lsunurse
My Dad was a serious alcoholic.
a functioning one at least but it didn't help much cause the fact was he was a real a-hole most of the time.
I dunno if that counts but that led to all of us questioning the security of most situations in life growing up.
He never tried to get help until the bitter end.
I never understood it.
I even have some problems with alcohol now myself.
but the thing was I didn't really start drinking until i was in my mid 20's.
My sister won't drink at all.
I leaned on sports a lot when I was a kid and my sister would spend a lot of times with her friends which was kinda similar to what I did except she wasn't into sports as much.
Parents got divorced.
Not real sure how my mom put up with it as long as she did but she believes in people. She really does. She did her part to have a civil relationship with him until the day he died.
a functioning one at least but it didn't help much cause the fact was he was a real a-hole most of the time.
I dunno if that counts but that led to all of us questioning the security of most situations in life growing up.
He never tried to get help until the bitter end.
I never understood it.
I even have some problems with alcohol now myself.
but the thing was I didn't really start drinking until i was in my mid 20's.
My sister won't drink at all.
I leaned on sports a lot when I was a kid and my sister would spend a lot of times with her friends which was kinda similar to what I did except she wasn't into sports as much.
Parents got divorced.
Not real sure how my mom put up with it as long as she did but she believes in people. She really does. She did her part to have a civil relationship with him until the day he died.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 10:54 am to lsunurse
I will say this again to make sure it doesn’t get lost- your dad needs a neuro work up. Neurology and psychiatry are related fields but not the same. He needs to be evaluated for dementia. Alzheimers is not the only type of dementia. It’s important to know if that is underlying his mental status changes because the medications used to treat him may be different.
It is also important to know if he has dementia because it helps the rest of your family to reset expectations about what his optimal level of functioning might be.
You don’t want to know if your dad has dementia but you do need to know. That’s the only way you will be able to effectively help your mother deal with his behavior.
It is also important to know if he has dementia because it helps the rest of your family to reset expectations about what his optimal level of functioning might be.
You don’t want to know if your dad has dementia but you do need to know. That’s the only way you will be able to effectively help your mother deal with his behavior.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 11:02 am to BR Tiger
I spoke to my mom this morning(I didn't dare call my dad) and she said he is actually really calm right now and about to take his morning meds. And normally mornings are when he is the most frantic.
Called his psychiatrist and he agrees that it sounds like my dad may need inpatient psych care to stabilize. He agreed with the ER I was thinking of taking my father to.
My mom is off all day today so will watch him and see how he does today. I've already sent her the address for where he needs to go as well and given her instructions on all she needs to bring with her if she does take him today. She will call me if his behavior changes. I feel like if she takes him now while he is this calm....they will just send him back home and not admit him since he's not trying to harm anyone or himself. So we have to wait until his behavior changes again(and I'm not that naive..I know it will if not today but tomorrow)
Called his psychiatrist and he agrees that it sounds like my dad may need inpatient psych care to stabilize. He agreed with the ER I was thinking of taking my father to.
My mom is off all day today so will watch him and see how he does today. I've already sent her the address for where he needs to go as well and given her instructions on all she needs to bring with her if she does take him today. She will call me if his behavior changes. I feel like if she takes him now while he is this calm....they will just send him back home and not admit him since he's not trying to harm anyone or himself. So we have to wait until his behavior changes again(and I'm not that naive..I know it will if not today but tomorrow)
Posted on 10/13/19 at 11:13 am to BR Tiger
quote:
I will say this again to make sure it doesn’t get lost- your dad needs a neuro work up.
I will bring this up, thank you
Posted on 10/13/19 at 11:53 am to lsunurse
quote:
I’m gonna tell him straight up that he HAS to change his meds up somehow (dosage, different med, whatever).
I’m convinced that meds often make things worse. The brain changes when on these meds. And things like anxiety become much worse. And the patients have no chance when something goes wrong with meds (too much, not enough etc.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 12:10 pm to moneyg
Yeah but when the person won’t do anything else that could help their mental health (therapy, exercise, etc, etc) meds are really our only lifeline.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 12:17 pm to lsunurse
I just completed their 12 week family2family class, which I would highly recommend for anyone / everyone who has loved ones fighting this disease. This disease not only affects the patient , but the whole family too. Help us break the stigma, it’s ok to discuss openly and seek whatever help works for you.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 12:22 pm to Krzy_Kjn
Yeah I wish people would talk more openly about it. The stigma is still very much present. Maybe not as much in the past but it still is there.
When my dad was hospitalized for his suicide gesture (I know you know the difference between gesture and attempt) I posted it on fb to quickly let family in LA know what was going on as well as friends here so I could get emotional support. No different imo than someone else posting their parent has been hospitalized for a heart attack or something. I had some of my family really upset that I “aired the family dirty laundry” on fb. Like got a phone call from them they were angry with me.
When my dad was hospitalized for his suicide gesture (I know you know the difference between gesture and attempt) I posted it on fb to quickly let family in LA know what was going on as well as friends here so I could get emotional support. No different imo than someone else posting their parent has been hospitalized for a heart attack or something. I had some of my family really upset that I “aired the family dirty laundry” on fb. Like got a phone call from them they were angry with me.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 12:27 pm to lsunurse
My family went through the exact same thing with my Father who passed in July. He suffered from frontal lobe dementia for about a decade. It was the result of several medical issues including diabetes. His final few years, he was completely insane. He was so bad, nursing facilities refused to take him. We ended up having to get family court involved to force care for his final few months.
We were finally able to move him to a Hospice facility where they humanely discontinued all meds. Within 24 hours, he peacefully passed away. I arrived about an hour ahead of his passing. He took his last breath while I was with him. I guess it was an honor to have been with him at the end of his life.
I don’t have advice because frankly, nothing worked. All I can say is that you and your another must take of yourselves, first. You can’t be a good caregiver unless your needs are met.
Hang in there.
We were finally able to move him to a Hospice facility where they humanely discontinued all meds. Within 24 hours, he peacefully passed away. I arrived about an hour ahead of his passing. He took his last breath while I was with him. I guess it was an honor to have been with him at the end of his life.
I don’t have advice because frankly, nothing worked. All I can say is that you and your another must take of yourselves, first. You can’t be a good caregiver unless your needs are met.
Hang in there.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 12:38 pm to LSUwag
Yeah I don’t even know what we will do if he needs to be actually be placed in a home. When he is calm, he is totally able to do all his ADLs. Remembers what bills need to be paid, etc. While my siblings are mentally challenged, they aren’t so severe that they can’t help out or do their own ADLs. They just can’t live on their own or drive. My brother is strong and I’ve taught him how to help my dad get in/out of his shower chair to bathe when he is weak.
My mom and siblings live with him. They are on a really fixed income and need his SS check to live on in addition to the money they bring in from their minimum wage jobs and my brother and mom’s small SS checks. He goes in a home....the facility will go after any savings my dad has as well as take his SS check. And then my family is fricked. It stresses me out even thinking about that scenario. But I know the reality is that he could very well need that at some point. So it’s not just my dad I have to worry about....I also have to figure out what’s best for my mom and siblings. With a mentally ill father, mom who is slow minded at times, and two mentally challenged siblings.....the big decisions unfortunately end up on my shoulders.
I just need to win the lottery so I could better take care of them.
My mom and siblings live with him. They are on a really fixed income and need his SS check to live on in addition to the money they bring in from their minimum wage jobs and my brother and mom’s small SS checks. He goes in a home....the facility will go after any savings my dad has as well as take his SS check. And then my family is fricked. It stresses me out even thinking about that scenario. But I know the reality is that he could very well need that at some point. So it’s not just my dad I have to worry about....I also have to figure out what’s best for my mom and siblings. With a mentally ill father, mom who is slow minded at times, and two mentally challenged siblings.....the big decisions unfortunately end up on my shoulders.
I just need to win the lottery so I could better take care of them.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 12:42 pm to lsunurse
Sorry you are having to deal with this all. Good vibes your way Nurse. Mental illness is so hard.
Posted on 10/13/19 at 12:55 pm to lsunurse
That’s a tough spot to be in. Hang in there and remember, you can’t be expected to handle everything for the rest of your family. It’s an impossible standard for anyone. Just do your best and take care of yourself first.
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