- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Winter Olympics
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
0
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:30 am to USMCguy121
(no message)
This post was edited on 5/26/24 at 2:42 am
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:31 am to LittleJerrySeinfield
(no message)
This post was edited on 5/26/24 at 2:42 am
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:32 am to Sam Quint
Psychology is just a racket for the you know whats baw
They said that on the sopranos
They said that on the sopranos
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:32 am to Sam Quint
Man you'd be surprised how common this is. Congrats on having the veil lifted as it is serendipitous. Now you can better manage things when you can disconnectedly identify the manipulation when it arises. It is rough for sure, but now you are on path for acquiring a toolkit to manage it.
Edit: keep your family together if you have small children, you are the buffer and the kids are your legacy. Give her craziness a personal name and when it arises, laugh on the inside and say, "ole _name_ is here again." Detach from it and stay stoic. Sucks but doable.
Edit: keep your family together if you have small children, you are the buffer and the kids are your legacy. Give her craziness a personal name and when it arises, laugh on the inside and say, "ole _name_ is here again." Detach from it and stay stoic. Sucks but doable.
This post was edited on 2/15/23 at 11:37 am
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:33 am to Ten Bears
quote:
Afraid to have honest conversations that every married couple should have, because it would just explode into a massive argument. To stop the arguments and the outbursts, he simply stopped expressing his needs, which caused him to develop severe anxiety, insomnia, and depression. He gained a massive amount of weight.
We weren't married, but I dealt with this shite in a 3 year relationship before finally getting out of it. I had never heard of BPD before reading this thread but a lot of things now make a lot more sense.
The feeling of walking on eggshells sucks.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:33 am to Sam Quint
I put up with this for 19 years and stayed for the kids sake. She eventually started going out more, cheating, and left me for her meth dealer.
That's 19 years of my life wasted (other than my wonderful kids)
We divorced 9 years ago, and my life is 100% better for it.
Run now and get your life back in order. I'm so much more at peace now.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:34 am to Sam Quint
quote:
she has not physically put her hands on me in anger. her anger seems to go internal. i can tell when she's raging, but it's more of a shut down everything time rage
And that is a classic BPD characteristic. If she rages and then gives you the silent treatment (more than the normal "wife is made at you" silent treatment) it is a form of control over you.
One thing you will notice with someone who is BPD is that the goalposts are always moving. You can never really nail down what needs to be discussed, and if you do there will ALWAYS be something else. And in the end, you end up believing that you are the cause of everything. That's why it's a form of abuse.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:35 am to Sam Quint
quote:
I put the realities of what the future will look like if I go that route.
when you put distance between you and this situation and regain your "senses" you will feel like you were in the electric chair, they pulled the lever, blew a fuse and the warden says "that's it, you only get one whack at him, let him go," you will feel like you have been granted a reprieve and find out how great it is being around "normal" people again and will have a new will to live
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:35 am to 777Tiger
quote:there is one in our family who constantly claims it is everyone else and never sees the common denominator
that's very true and it's been mentioned a few times here, the sickie tries to project it out on those around them, "it's not me! everyone else is fricked up!!"
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:37 am to Sam Quint
quote:
She has pushed back massively on us seeing him together, because she claims I do not let her speak and that I manipulate therapists (we have been to marriage counseling a couple times before)
This would be because she has probably shared a ton of stuff about your relationship that simply isn’t true and as long as your not there to refute it, she can continue to do so.
I have a family member that spent 20 years telling one person this and someone else something different just to stir up trouble. I figured out everyone being told something different and having different info was the only way the turmoil could be sustained.
The last time it happened, I sent an email to all parties apparently associated with the grievance laying out all the facts in an effort, once and for all, to “help” the family member that was stirring up all the crap with their grievances. I also included that each time some turmoil was observed, I’d follow up with an email to get everyone on the same page so we could move through the issue without drama.
That was 9 years ago. This person decided further contact with my family wouldn’t be a good thing. There has been ZERO turmoil in my family since they day they exited.
I once heard something wise from an old man. He said “if you have a problem with everyone, the problem isn’t everyone”.
I’d be willing to bet your wife has one super close friend. I’d also be willing to bet that one super close friend changes from time to time. Also, they likely have issues with most other people. If that’s not the case, might want to look in the mirror and start asking some questions.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:37 am to Sam Quint
quote:
do you know me? curious how you put that together.
I will say, with God as my witness, she has not physically put her hands on me in anger. her anger seems to go internal. i can tell when she's raging, but it's more of a shut down everything time rage.
I out myself enough on this board as it is
I'm in 'the field' (not a therapist) and see it a lot. My ex-wife was BPD and you are echoing the same shite I went through with her, including defending her as being 'a good person.' It's amazing how similar the presentations are. The raging and shutting down is just manipulating you. in my case she eventually got comfortable enough to start throwing hands when i was calling her out and I filed for divorce, won in every sense, kept our kid, and never paid a cent in CP, remarried and am 10000x happier.
Also if your therapists are in mandeville I 100% know them, there's not many male ones. And they are great IMO. the one you see on your own will have some good advice if you choose to file for divorce. it says a lot she won't see him, probably because he will call her arse out.
sorry you're going through this.
This post was edited on 2/15/23 at 11:39 am
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:38 am to GreatLakesTiger24
quote:
GreatLakesTiger24
Bruh
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:38 am to Ten Bears
This post was edited on 5/26/24 at 2:43 am
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:40 am to 777Tiger
quote:
you should tell this baw to run, not walk
I've had some very frank conversations with the kid. He's aware of what he's getting into and takes excellent care of my daughter. He's truly been a Godsend and I can't overstate that. Again, she's made an amazing turn around and is no where near the person she was in high school.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:40 am to Slagathor
quote:
Pretty sure I've been in a relationship with one for the last 2 years. I close on a house Friday to GTFO.
I was in a relationship with one for about 3 years off and on. I noticed it around the year mark, all of the signs that people have already posted, with the addition that she would lie about everything. I caught her red handed cheating once, and she lied to her parents and sister about the situation after I ended things with her. It was awful.
I started seeing her here and there for a time thinking she’d changed, but they never do.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:42 am to Sam Quint
quote:
bro if I had a nickel for every time I have said to her, a friend, a therapist, or some random dude on the street IF SHE WOULD JUST TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO DIFFERENT OR BETTER I WILL DO IT i would be a millionaire. which I am already of course, since I'm posting on OT.
you can't reason with an unreasonable person, you can't negotiate with an unreasonable person, the scenario that you're describing is , and I hate cliches except when making jokes, the definition of insanity, i.e., doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:43 am to Sam Quint
quote:
She has pushed back massively on us seeing him together
Could be that she can't carefully craft the story if you are all there together and the risk of exposure is too great. As it stands separately she has some degree of control to plausibly deny things. Grats on getting her to agree to at least see a therapist. Not everyone gets that luxury.
You can learn not to get caught up in the mess when you can see it coming. She may never be a close ally and partner, but that is a pipe dream for most of us anyways. Let go of that fantasy and you can manage it if you want to.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:43 am to RockyMtnTigerWDE
quote:
RockyMtnTigerWDE
Split reactions to your post but I think youre spot on.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 11:44 am to nola tiger lsu
Nah, he’s deflecting and making excuses for his daughter’s behavior and treatment of others
Page 4 of 16
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News