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Message
re: We need a joke today.
Posted on 3/13/22 at 12:39 pm to blueridgeTiger
Posted on 3/13/22 at 12:39 pm to blueridgeTiger
Der Fuhrer was inspecting his ski troops who were about to return to the Eastern Front after having enjoyed their first home leave in two years. He approached one of the Gefreiter standing at attention and asked:
“Soldat, did you enjoy your leave.”
“Yes, Mein Fuhrer, I did.”
“What was the first thing you did when you got home from the front?”
“Mein Fuhrer, that is very personal, I had not seen my wife in two years…”
“Yes, yes, I understand… What was the second thing you did when you got home?”
“I took off my skis.”
“Soldat, did you enjoy your leave.”
“Yes, Mein Fuhrer, I did.”
“What was the first thing you did when you got home from the front?”
“Mein Fuhrer, that is very personal, I had not seen my wife in two years…”
“Yes, yes, I understand… What was the second thing you did when you got home?”
“I took off my skis.”
1
Posted on 4/13/22 at 12:10 pm to blueridgeTiger
The National Science Foundation has announced a consent decree with PITA under which they have agreed that rats will no longer be used in scientific experiments. The NSF recommends that all research laboratories should use lawyers in their experiments.
This recommendation is based upon three factors:
1. There is an abundant supply available.
2. There is no danger lab technicians will become attached to their subjects.
3. There are some things you just can’t get a rat to do
This recommendation is based upon three factors:
1. There is an abundant supply available.
2. There is no danger lab technicians will become attached to their subjects.
3. There are some things you just can’t get a rat to do
Posted on 4/13/22 at 12:21 pm to blueridgeTiger
Little Johnny watches wrestling with his dad every Monday night. Late one night he gets up to go pee and hears sounds coming from his parents’ room.
He opens the door to see them going at it, and they quickly throw the covers on and tell him to go back to bed.
The next morning at the breakfast table, little Johnny asks his dad what they were doing and his dad replies, “we were wrestling son.”
Well, the next night goes by, and once again Johnny gets up to pee and hears noises.
The next morning at the breakfast table, his mom is sporting a bruise and his dad looks none too happy.
“Y’all were wrestling again last night.” Says little Johnny,
His dad replies, “Yes son, we were. But you CANNOT come in with the steel chair and try to tag in!”
He opens the door to see them going at it, and they quickly throw the covers on and tell him to go back to bed.
The next morning at the breakfast table, little Johnny asks his dad what they were doing and his dad replies, “we were wrestling son.”
Well, the next night goes by, and once again Johnny gets up to pee and hears noises.
The next morning at the breakfast table, his mom is sporting a bruise and his dad looks none too happy.
“Y’all were wrestling again last night.” Says little Johnny,
His dad replies, “Yes son, we were. But you CANNOT come in with the steel chair and try to tag in!”
Posted on 4/13/22 at 12:29 pm to LSUFanHouston
Old boy at the McDonald’s was telling me he was driving down the road and picked up this young woman hitch hiking. They are going down the road and old boy is explaining to the woman last time he picked up a hitch hiker she pulled a gun and forced him to eat her pussy.
Well this young woman is taken aback and starts profusely explaining how she doesn’t have a gun and would never do something like that.
Old boy told her to open the glove compartment.
Well this young woman is taken aback and starts profusely explaining how she doesn’t have a gun and would never do something like that.
Old boy told her to open the glove compartment.
Posted on 4/13/22 at 12:34 pm to LSUFanHouston
What's the best pickup line at a gay bar?
Would you like me to push your stool in?
Would you like me to push your stool in?
Posted on 4/13/22 at 12:49 pm to LSUFanHouston
Young hitchhiker thumbs a ride on a deserted country road.
Tells the driver “Thanks man. It’s hard to hitch a ride these days. Everyone thinks you might be a serial killer” he laughs.
Driver says “I thought about that when I saw you, but then I said to myself ‘What are the chances of two serial killers in the same car?’”
Tells the driver “Thanks man. It’s hard to hitch a ride these days. Everyone thinks you might be a serial killer” he laughs.
Driver says “I thought about that when I saw you, but then I said to myself ‘What are the chances of two serial killers in the same car?’”
Posted on 4/13/22 at 12:55 pm to DragginFly
What's the difference in watching baseball and paint dry?
Watching paint dry does not take as long as watching a baseball game and you may even see more runs.
Watching paint dry does not take as long as watching a baseball game and you may even see more runs.
Posted on 4/13/22 at 12:57 pm to LSUFanHouston
mexican weather forecast
cold today & hot tamale.....
cold today & hot tamale.....
Posted on 4/13/22 at 12:58 pm to dyslexiateechur
What’s the difference between Diabetes and Diarrhea?
Diabetes runs in Gravy’s Genes,
And Diarrhea runs in Gravy’s Jeans.
Diabetes runs in Gravy’s Genes,
And Diarrhea runs in Gravy’s Jeans.
Posted on 4/13/22 at 1:02 pm to LSUFanHouston
I walked into a bar with my wife. The bartender asked "Would you like a beer for your wife?"
I said "Sounds like a fair trade."
I said "Sounds like a fair trade."
Posted on 4/13/22 at 1:10 pm to LSUFanHouston
My 7 year old kid telling a joke to the Legoland park staff couple of weeks ago:
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Staff: *thinking* don't know, why?
"B/c it wanted to get smashed"
They lol'ed.
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Staff: *thinking* don't know, why?
"B/c it wanted to get smashed"
They lol'ed.
Posted on 4/13/22 at 1:11 pm to Jor Jor The Dinosaur
What did Will Smith leave on Chris Rock's face?
...Fresh Prints...
...Fresh Prints...
Posted on 4/13/22 at 1:28 pm to madmaxvol
Two young Chinese newly weds are sitting at the foot of their hotel bed not sure what to do next. The husband blushes and says "Is there anything you would like to do?"
the new wife says impishly "I always wanted to try 69."
the husband is taken aback and says "You want the lemon chicken?"
the new wife says impishly "I always wanted to try 69."
the husband is taken aback and says "You want the lemon chicken?"
Posted on 4/13/22 at 1:42 pm to bengalbait
A man's wife was in a coma, but the Dr had an idea to bring her out if it.
'"Go into her room, and give her a passionate kiss."
The man did as he was told, and reported back to the doc that his wife moaned.
"See? She's responding to the stimulation. Go back in and fondle her breasts."
The man did, and reported back. "She mumbled my name."
"Okay, this is really working," the doctor said. "Go back in and try oral sex. That should wake her right up!"
The man was gone for a while and came back with his head down. "She's dead."
"What? What happened?"
The man shrugged. "I guess she choked."
'"Go into her room, and give her a passionate kiss."
The man did as he was told, and reported back to the doc that his wife moaned.
"See? She's responding to the stimulation. Go back in and fondle her breasts."
The man did, and reported back. "She mumbled my name."
"Okay, this is really working," the doctor said. "Go back in and try oral sex. That should wake her right up!"
The man was gone for a while and came back with his head down. "She's dead."
"What? What happened?"
The man shrugged. "I guess she choked."
Posted on 4/13/22 at 1:53 pm to LSUFanHouston
What does a perverted frog say?
Rubbit
Rubbit
Posted on 4/13/22 at 1:53 pm to LSUFanHouston
Why didn’t the poppy seed leave the casino?
He was on a roll.
He was on a roll.
Posted on 4/13/22 at 1:57 pm to GreenRockTiger
What is long, hard and full of seamen?
A Submarine.
A Submarine.
Posted on 4/13/22 at 1:58 pm to Master of Sinanju
quote:
A man's wife was in a coma, but the Dr had an idea to bring her out if it.
'"Go into her room, and give her a passionate kiss."
The man did as he was told, and reported back to the doc that his wife moaned.
"See? She's responding to the stimulation. Go back in and fondle her breasts."
The man did, and reported back. "She mumbled my name."
"Okay, this is really working," the doctor said. "Go back in and try oral sex. That should wake her right up!"
The man was gone for a while and came back with his head down. "She's dead."
"What? What happened?"
The man shrugged. "I guess she choked."
Saw Norm McDonald tell this joke (a little differently).
Posted on 4/13/22 at 2:25 pm to madmaxvol
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel around his dick
The bartender asks "what's with the ships wheel?"
The pirate replies "arrrrrgh, it's driving me nuts."
The bartender asks "what's with the ships wheel?"
The pirate replies "arrrrrgh, it's driving me nuts."
Posted on 4/13/22 at 2:31 pm to LSUFanHouston
I'd tell you the one about the roof
but it's over your head
but it's over your head
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