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Message
re: My wife has a shopping problem
Posted on 7/22/09 at 2:42 pm to WM88
Posted on 7/22/09 at 2:42 pm to WM88
Having 6-8 weeks of uninterrupted free time would present challenges to anyone. A golfer would golf, a traveler might vacation like crazy, etc. It's all relative. Regarding the earlier comment of her not understanding how much 2-4 $50 purchases per week adds up to show her the hard numbers. I have a sister who has taught for 20+ years and never has been good managing her money. Fortunately for her she is at the top of the pay scale here in GA and will have a very generous retirement plan.....unless the state figures out they can't continue it's retirement plan at its current benefit level.
I think you are correct in focusing on saving vs consuming, but the spending mindset is so hard change until something drastic occurs.
I think you are correct in focusing on saving vs consuming, but the spending mindset is so hard change until something drastic occurs.
0
Posted on 7/22/09 at 3:45 pm to WM88
quote:
My wife has a shopping problem
Maybe, but she may have a deeper problem called obsessive-compulsive behavior.
quote:
she just chuckles and throws that back at me
Set boundaries. Set a budget. If she's going to act like a kid, treat her like a kid and you take control of the finances.
quote:
have always had separate money
You're married? Act like it. Nothing should be separate. Combine the accounts into one.
quote:
How to confront the wife and make her understand that she's out of control
Take her somewhere out of her element. A library, a park or car ride.
quote:
How to make her understand that there is a good possibility I will be laid off by the end of the year and we need more saved than we have.
You seem to have a lack of communication with your wife. Talk with a counselor. You go first and then ask your wife to join you.
quote:
That it sucks being the only person in the family that is seriously worried about saving for retirement.
It shouldn't be that way. You both have to change your behavior.
Posted on 7/22/09 at 5:42 pm to Cold Cous Cous
quote:
This is what I was going to suggest. Sounds like this shopping habit comes from having too much time on her hands. Is there any way you could gently nudge her into cheaper hobbies? What else does she like to do?
In my case, No. She simply determined that she needed more money to feed her habit. We divorced. After 3 years she found a guy who made more money than me and married him. But he recognized her addiction and demanded separate accounts. I have no idea how that worked out.
OTOH, when I met my current wife she was also bad with money. I've already told the story about her buying a $24K Eclipse with a Visa card. But, unlike the first wife she wanted someone to handle the money and after a year of separate accounts she proved that she could live within her means and we joined our accounts 13 years ago.
Posted on 7/22/09 at 5:44 pm to Will Cover
quote:
have always had separate money
quote:
You're married? Act like it. Nothing should be separate. Combine the accounts into one.
Horrible idea. If the wife has a problem with money she wants more access to money. It would be feeding the addiction.
Posted on 7/22/09 at 11:10 pm to Zach
They could still have a joint account, but only he controls the debit card and checkbook. Sure, she could easily go to the bank to make a withdrawal, but if that's the case, they have bigger issues than money.
Posted on 7/23/09 at 12:51 am to WM88
quote:
I honestly think my wife could wear a different outfit every single day and never wear the same one in 6 months, maybe longer. My wife doesn't buy extravigant pricy clothes but $50 2 or 3 times a week adds up over time.
I have my old lady trained for Marshalls and TJMaxx now. She has a shite ton of shoes and purses, but I've pretty much broken her of that. She doesn't see the point in going to Dillards or Macys anymore.
Go to Marshalls with her every now and then and see if you can get her hooked.
Posted on 7/23/09 at 12:35 pm to Will Cover
His marriage is either going to last or it won't. In the event that it doesn't, the original poster doesn't need to go into the single world broke. Separate accounts is what saved me. When we divorced I was able to buy her out of the house and sold it at profit.
Posted on 7/23/09 at 7:34 pm to Zach
These are the types of issues that make me think it will be very difficult to find a wife....
I cannot stand these trends in women.
I cannot stand these trends in women.
Posted on 7/24/09 at 9:21 am to lynxcat
I feel very blessed after reading this thread. My wife rarely EVER spends money on herself. I almost have to make her go buy new clothes as she hates going to the mall.
Good luck bro!
Good luck bro!
Posted on 7/24/09 at 9:34 am to TTB
quote:
I feel very blessed after reading this thread. My wife rarely EVER spends money on herself.
I second this.
Posted on 7/24/09 at 2:37 pm to lynxcat
quote:
These are the types of issues that make me think it will be very difficult to find a wife....
It can be frustrating. I recommend Gray's book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
It's an oldie but it still applies. Men and women don't process information the same way. In stand up comedy it's funny. But in real life it can lead to disaster in terms of relationships.
Posted on 7/24/09 at 2:57 pm to Zach
quote:
His marriage is either going to last or it won't. In the event that it doesn't, the original poster doesn't need to go into the single world broke. Separate accounts is what saved me. When we divorced I was able to buy her out of the house and sold it at profit.
I agree and disagree. I have a friend whose banking accounts were totally wiped out by his spouse who then had him served with divorce papers, he couldn't scrape up $1k cash after that and the court would not help at all. I would not want to go through that, she was a freaky woman who turned out to be a horrible spouse for him.
On the other hand my wife and I have been happily married 15 years, have joint checking accounts, a joint brokerage account, Roth brokerage accoutns, brokerage IRA/401k rollovers with she/I named as bennies, and I have a personal taxable brokerage account where a large chunk of my assets are which is TOD titled to her. After a health scare earlier this year I finally gave her a listing of all accounts, passwords, etc, then I changed my brokerage PW.
She wouldn't know what to do with the holdings if she had access anyway. I have enough financial crap to manage without worrying about separate checking accounts and who should pay each specific household bill, etc.
Posted on 7/24/09 at 3:34 pm to tirebiter
Maybe you didn't read my earlier post. After divorcing wife 1, I was gun shy. Also, wife 2 had a bad history with money that I discovered while dating. So I insisted on separate accounts prior to marriage. She agreed and was happy about it. After a year I could see that she was not a spendaholic like No. 1 so all of our accounts have been consolidated. Wife 2 did not have a spending compulsion, she was simply bad at managing her money. Wife 1 was a total addict. That's the kind where you really need to keep separate accounts.
Posted on 7/25/09 at 1:57 am to WM88
I've dealt with some of the same issues here. Best thing to do is open up an excel spreadsheet and make a weekly cash flow statement. Track each week every bill you pay and every dollar that comes in. Then extrapolate those results out for a few years so she can see how little she's saving and what effect that will have in the future. This way you can also show her exactly how quickly yall will be in trouble if you get laid off this year. Showing her actual numbers, I find, is always more effective than saying it.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Posted on 7/25/09 at 4:58 am to Will Cover
quote:
Maybe, but she may have a deeper problem called obsessive-compulsive behavior.
Do you really even know anything about OCD? It isn't what most people think. The reality of mental disorders would surprise most people. It is a big jump to call someone's poor shopping habits OCD.
Posted on 7/25/09 at 12:47 pm to lsutiger2486
You're right. It's not OCD, it's recreation. Like kids who play video games too much.
Another important factor with finances. Women with this problem NEVER think about sudden expenses. Like the car breaking down or the air conditioner going kaput. They see money in the account and they want to spend it. When unforeseen expenses come up they make excuses about debt. IE, "Well, we had a bad time because 'x' broke."
"X" always breaks. Anticipate it.
Another important factor with finances. Women with this problem NEVER think about sudden expenses. Like the car breaking down or the air conditioner going kaput. They see money in the account and they want to spend it. When unforeseen expenses come up they make excuses about debt. IE, "Well, we had a bad time because 'x' broke."
"X" always breaks. Anticipate it.
Posted on 7/25/09 at 1:03 pm to Zach
quote:
"X" always breaks. Anticipate it.
Words to live by.
Posted on 7/27/09 at 1:59 pm to LSUtoOmaha
When my husband and I first married he handled the money and we did end up fighting some. After a few years he handed everything to me, if we have an unexpected expense I am the one who has to make sure we have the money. Of course when he was paying the bills he was still in med school and by the time I took over he was finished with school and residency so I have had a lot more to work with.
Posted on 7/27/09 at 3:56 pm to tirebiter
Yep, it's a great car but we bought an 08 350Z convertible. The 08 was new and cheaper than the the 09 370s. In fact, the 09 convertibles were not out when we made the purchase but we already knew the prices. The wife is really happy with the Z. I'm really happy that I get to drive her Lexus at last. 
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